Why can’t women have sex more than 68 m.p.h.?
Because at 69, they blow a rod!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
Author: admin
Floral Mix Up
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace”.
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, “Congratulations on your new location”.
Mamma
Your mamma so stupid she thought cheereos were donut seeds.
D�a domingo, en la tarde.
D�a domingo, en la tarde. Llega un cadete de la Escuela Militar a confesarse:
“Me acuso, padre, de haberle acariciado las tetitas a una amiguita”.
“Pues bien, 2 padrenuestros de penitencia”.
Llega un cadete de la Escuela de Aviaci�n:
“Me acuso, padre, de haberle mamado las tetitas a una amiguita”.
“Pues bien, 2 credos de penitencia”.
Llega un cadete de la Escuela Naval a confesarse:
“Me acuso, padre, de haberle mamado las tetitas y el chocho a una amiguita”.
“Pues bien, 2 credos y 2 avemar�as de penitencia”.
Llega un seminarista a confesarse:
“Me acuso, padre, de haberle echado un polvo a una amiguita”.
Y el cura sale del confesionario y grita: “�Tres ras por el seminario, ras, ras ras!
The Top 15 Signs Your Prom Date May Have a Transplanted Monkey Brain
15> After the prom, he insists on taking you to the top of the Empire State Building.
14> Instead of leaving it in the dumpster, carries her newly delivered baby to the top of the nearest fake palm tree and flings it into the horror-stricken crowd.
13> The evening ends in the ER after she tries to peel your erection.
12> Pins the corsage to your lapel with her feet.
11> Arrives to pick you up on a unicycle.
10> Day job is as typist in office with 999,999 other playwrights.
9> His apish hooting and chair throwing have offended even Bobby Knight.
8> Insists you call him Doctor Zaias.
7> Just as you’re about to let him get to second base during the slow dance, Charlton Heston bursts in and screams, “Get your paws off her, you DAMN DIRTY APE!!”
6> Tux? Check.
Corsage? Check.
Diaper and roller skates? Uh-oh.
5> Keeps threatening people with “Just wait until my next bowel movement!”
4> Ends the evening early by saying, “I’m sorry, Pongo, but I promised Mrs. Goodall I’d have you back by Midnight.”
3> It takes ten chaperones waving shiny objects to get her down from the scoreboard.
2> When the DJ played “Shock The Monkey,” he curled into a fetal position and screamed, “I’M NOT GOING BACK!”
1> You have your assistant Jim loosen her up with tranquilizer darts before the big slow dance.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2001 by Chris White ]Blonde librarian
a man walks in a library and asks the blonde librarian if they had any books on suicide? He said hed like to kill himself,
she said yes, theyre in aisle g4. He walks back there and comes back in about fifteen minutes and says theres no books on suicide back there. he said he looked all over the shelf and just couldnt find them. the blonde librarian said oh man them people never bring those books back
Ur mama
Ur mamas so fat when she rolled down the street,people started screaming dominoes dots are coming.
This black guy walks into this bar, with a…
This black guy walks into this bar, with a parrot.
The bartender asked “What would you like?”
The parrot said “A Budlight”
The amazed bartener started to ask the man “Where did you get him?”
But the parrot interupted “Africa!! There’s a thousands of ’em!”
Six hours
Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving
door for six hours because he couldn’t remember whether he was going in or
coming out?
The Jealous Wife
A farmer’s wife was terribly jealous. Evening after evening, she subjected her husband to a searching inspection. When she would find even a single hair on his coat, there would be a terrible scene! One night, she found nothing. ”So” she screamed, ”Now it’s a bald-headed woman!”
Statistical one-liner
Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?A: Check the p-value.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Condem
Q: What do you call 365 used condems
A: Yeast infection mixed with a good year
LOL