Q: Why are there no ice cubes in the blonde’s freezer? A: She forgot the recipe.
Author: admin
Useful work phrases
USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really
quite busy.
Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
How about never? Is never good for you?
I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me
You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication
I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!
At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
Tyson
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
They invented mace!
Yo Mama’s So Fat… Jenny Craig
Your mama is so fat, she walked into a Jenny Craig and they said “Sorry, we
don’t do miracles!”
Rope
Whats the longest rope in the world?
EUROPE!
Viceless
A bum asks a man for $2.
The man asked: “Will you buy booze?”
The bum said: “No.”
The man asked “Will you gamble it away?”
The bum said: “No.”
Then the man asked: “Will you come home with me, so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”
Bob’s New Look
A man is at work one day when he notices that his male
coworker is wearing an earring. This man knows his coworker to be a normally
conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
“Bob, I didn’t know you were into earrings.” “Oh, yeah, sure,” says Bob
sheepishly. “Really? How long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife
found it in our bed.”
Classified Ad:…
Classified Ad:
Found: Dirty White Dog
Looks Like A Rat.
Been Out Awhile..
Better Be Reward
Un se�or iba caminando por
Un se�or iba caminando por la calle pero call�ndose de borracho, entonces al dar la vueta a la esquina ve un rostro de una mujer que le resulta familiar y empieza a gritar:
“�Ramera cabrona! �Ramera cabrona!” y nada m�s nadie volteaba, as� que comienza a gritar m�s fuerte: “�Ramera cabrona!”
En eso un se�or lo para y le dice:
“Oiga usted, c�mo se atreve a decirle eso a esa dama.”
“Pues que yo le estaba dicieno su nombre.”
“No se�or, usted le estaba diciendo ramera cabrona.”
Y termina el borracho diciendo:
“Con razon no voltea. Yo lo que cre� que dec�a era el nombre de mi prima: Ramona Cabrera.”
The Judge
A woman is on the witness stand.
The judge says, “What happened?”
She says, “I was walking down the sidewalk, when he grabbed me,
dragged me into an alley, ripped off my dress, pulled down my
panties, and bent me over a garbage can… I… I don’t even
remember what happened next…”
The judge says (jerking off motion), “Make something up! Make
something up!”
A Gentlemen's Pl
A man goes into a bar one evening and is surprised to see a ferret with no teeth, on the bar. He asks the barman what the ferret is for.”That, sir,” says the barman,”is a gentleman’s pleasure.” So saying he puts the ferret down the front of the man’s trousers. The ferret scurries around for a minute and then gives the man the best blow job he’s ever had. Afterward, he asks the bartender if he can buy the ferret for $500.”No can do,” he says,” it cost me a lot, what with the dental work and everything.” The man then offers $1000 and the bartender accepts. That night the man takes the ferret home and goes into the kitchen where his battle-axe wife is eating chocolates. He puts the ferret on the table and says:” Look what I bought for $1000. Its a gentleman’s pleasure.” “What do you expect me to do with it?” asks the witch.”Teach it to cook and then fuck off!” says the man.
Gore say after the Lewinsky story broke
What did Gore say after the Lewinsky story broke?
Why do they call me the stiff man in the White House?