There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten
were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get
off because if they didn�t, then the rope would break and everyone would die. No
one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I’ll get off.”
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all
of the blondes started
Clapping.
Author: admin
Nun pregnant
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy.
Forman a todos los marinos
Forman a todos los marinos porque el general les va a pasar revista. Al ir recorriendo la fila, el general ve a un marinero con un bot�n desabrochado y le da tremendo golpe pregunt�ndole:
“�Le doli�?”
“�No, se�or!”
“�Por qu�?”, pregunta el superior.
“�Porque soy de la Marina!”
El oficial sigue caminando y ve a un marino con la agujeta del zapato desabrochada. Entonces, le da un golpazo.
“�Le doli�?”
“�No, se�or!”
“�Por qu�?”
“�Porque soy de la Marina!”
Sigue la revista y al detectar un marino con el z�per del pantal�n abajo, le da tremebundo patad�n en esa parte.
“�Le doli�?”
“�No, se�or!”
“�Por qu�?”
“�Porque son de plastilina!”
My Daddy is better
There are three little boys standing outside the first little boy says my daddy is best because he can drink 24 beers,the second little boy said thats nothing my dad can drink 48 beers, the third little boy said my dads got all ya’ll beat he can eat a light bulb, the other little boys said how do you know this the little boy said well I heard him tell mom to “turn out the light and I’ll eat it”
Signs You’re Really Broke
- American Express calls and says: “Leave home without it!”
- Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a fine restaurant.
- You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
- You’ve rolled so many pennies, you’ve formed a psychic bond with Abe.
- Long distance companies no longer call you to switch.
- Your credit card companies raised the rates from 6.9% to 24.9%.
- You see your roommate as a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
- You receive care packages from Europe.
- Your bologna has no first name.
- You rob Peter…and then rob Paul.
- You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
- You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
- You give blood everyday – for the orange juice.
- McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
- Consumer Credit Counseling services said “No.”
- The neighborhood dog stopped sniffing at your pockets.
Un enano, muy enano, va
Un enano, muy enano, va a una casa de putas y pregunta en la recepci�n:
“�Tiene putas de 500 ptas.?”
La meretriz recepcionista le dice que suba a la octava planta. El liliputiense sube las escaleras; abre la puerta de la octava planta y se encuentra en la cama a una negra de 350 kilos, en pelotas, que le susurra:
“Ac�rcate, peque��n”.
La morena abre las piernas de par en par; coge al enano por las orejas lo pone delante del chichi y le pide:
“�C�metelo!”
“�A m� no! �A m� no!”, responde gritando el hombrecillo.
Miss Bindle was the Jesse James of sarcasm: she could quick-draw a sarcastic remark and drill you b
Patrick F. McManus
apple joke
whats the differnce between a womam, fish,an a apple say bob bob said i dont know john tell me well john said a woman wiggles to come a fish wiggles to get away then bob said what a bout the apple john said its for a lucky cock sucker like you to bite now
Blond Fraud
Judge: The jury had found you not guilty of fraud. You may leave.
Blonde: Does that mean that I can keep the money?
Some musical Christmas advice
Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time to give Bach things you decide you don’t want.
Friendship Test
First things first:
NO CHEATING Don’t cheat.
This is a little game that has a pretty funny/creepy outcome. Don’t read ahead, just do it in order. It takes about 3 minutes It’s worth it.
It’s kinda eerie….
First, Get a blank piece of paper and pen.
P.S. When you are asked to choose names, make sure it’s people you ACTUALLY KNOW, and go with your first instincts!
Scroll down one line at a time – don’t read ahead or you’ll ruin the fun!!
1.) First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.
2.) Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write any two numbers you want.
3.) Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex (or same sex if you’re gay). Don’t look ahead-or it won’t turn out right.
4.) Write anyone’s name (like friends or family…) in the 4th, 5th and 6th spots. Don’t cheat or you’ll be upset that you did.
5.) Write down four song titles in 8, 9, 10 and 11.
6.) Finally, make a wish
And here is the key for that game..
1.) You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game
2.) The person in space 3 is the one that you love.
3.) The person in 7 is one you like but can’t work out.
4.) You care most about the person you put in 4.
5.) The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
6.) The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.
7.) The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
8.) The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
9.) The tenth space is the song that tells you most about your mind.
10.) And 11 is the song telling how you feel about life.
Talk to Your Son
Jimmy’s mom dragged him in front of his dad during the football game.
“Talk to your son,” she said. “He refuses to obey a word I say.”
The father turned to Jimmy angrily. “Jimmy, how dare you disobey your mother?
Do you think you’re better than your old man?”