Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
He didn’t know where to buy Left Guard!
Author: admin
Pasos que deben de seguir
Pasos que deben de seguir los hombres para hacer feliz a una mujer:
Reg�lele flores
Ll�vela a pasear cada noche
C�mprele un auto nuevo
Ll�nela de prendas
Escr�bale un poema a la semana
C�ntele una canci�n al atardecer
D�gale que sin ella usted se muere
B�sele los ojos con ternura
Acar�ciela como si fuese un beb�
Desn�dela con la boca
H�gale el amor despacio y a media luz
Refi�rase a las dem�s mujeres con desprecio
Sus�rrele al o�do sus m�s dulces palabras de amor
Contr�tele una empleada dom�stica
B�squele un chofer
Regrese a su casa siempre despu�s del trabajo
No tome cervezas
No vea f�tbol
D�le el remoto de la tele a ella
Pasos que deben de seguir las mujeres para hacer feliz a un hombre:
�Ch�pesela!
Two men in a bar are discussing their wives,…
Two men in a bar are discussing their wives, when one admitted he had killed
his that very morning.
“Why did you do it?” asked the other.
“She kept complaining about my bike in the garage. She said I alwyas left
it untidy.”
The second man said “You’re kidding me right? You didn’t really kill your
wife this morning?”
“I certainly did kill her this morning,” said the first, “Come with me,
and I’ll show you”.
With that the two of them left the bar and walked to a house, they went to
the garden, and there was a fresh mound of earth, with a woman’s ass
sticking out the top.
“Is that her?” asked the second man.
“Yes.” said the first.
“Why did you leave her ass sticking out like that?”
“Well, I needed somewhere to park my bike.”
yo mama is so fat when she steped on a scale…
yo mama is so fat when she steped on a scale it said too be continued
Politically Correct Statements
10) He does not have a beer gut; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
9) He is not quiet; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He does not get lost all the time; he DISCOVERS ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
7) He is not balding; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
6) He does not get falling-down drunk; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
5) He is not short; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
4) He does not constantly talk about cars; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
3) He does not eat like a pig; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
2) He is not a bad dancer with no rhythm; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
1) He is not afraid of commitment; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
Best Reported Allergies:
Nitrous oxide – “Makes me light-headed”
Novocain – “Makes me numb”
Novocain – “When it wore off I had a lot of pain”
Bleach – “When I inhale it, have rasp. distress”
Epinephrine – “makes my heart race”
Poison Ivy – “gives me a rash”
Erythromycin – “N/V”
Dextrose– causes SOB
Diprovan– “lose consciousness”
paper tape– causes tachycardia
codeine-“makes me constipated and vomit”
Cortisone – “gives me hives”
Morphine – “makes me sleepy”
Ampicillin — “gives me a yeast infection”
Cortisone/prednisone — “makes me puffy”
“I can only take brand name drugs, I get a rash from any generics”
“Allergic to oxygen”
“Allergic to water”
“Allergic to all painkillers except Demerol”
“I’m allergic to Demerol, codeine, Morphine and 2mg Deluded. But I can take
4mg Dilaudid.”
Allergic to: non-narcotic pain relievers
“I’m allergic to all painkillers except one. I think it�s called
‘perc-a-something’ but I really don’t remember the exact name”.
“Doc, I’m allergic to 50 milligrams of Demerol but 100 mg doesn’t hurt me at
all.”
Anything worth having is worth cheating for….
Anything worth having is worth cheating for.
– W. C. Fields
Untitled joke
How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None… that’s hardware.
Mrs Nat King Cole
One night at 11.30 pin, an older African-American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm.
Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a lift.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her – generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s.
The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi.
She seemed to be in a big hurry. She wrote down his address, thanked him and drove away.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man’s door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.
It read: ‘Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes but my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband’s bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.
Sincerely
Mrs Nat King Cole.’
The Top 15 Dishes Containing Condoms (R-rated version)
15> Porked Loins
14> McRibbed Sandwich
13> Sheath Bars
12> Chicken Trojanzini
11> Rack of Lambskin
10> Glove ‘n’ Roasted Chicken
9> Chili Con Carnal
8> “The Wilt Chamberlain” sandwich at the Carnegie Deli
7> Pheasant Under Glans
6> Condomleezza Rice
5> Safe Sexchuan Chicken
4> Creme Booyeah
3> Veal Scumbagini
2> Quiche Lorraincoat
1> Newman’s Own Chowder [tm]
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Sky Diving
Why did the blonde jump out the plane?
She thought her maxi pad was a parechute.
Shit
what does shit smell like?
YOU!