Yours Fun Portal !
Three women, while traveling in a train, are discussing different types of pain.
The first woman says, “There is no pain like when you suffer a fracture”.
The second woman says, “That’s nothing. Post-surgical pain is the worst”.
The third woman says, “I disagree. Pain during childbirth is the severest”.
An old man who is resting up on the top bunk overhears this conversation and interrupts them.
“I don’t think you three have ever experienced a swift kick to the balls.”
HER DIARY:
Sunday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn’t flowing so I suggested that we gosomewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and aloof. I asked him what was wrong — he said, “Nothing.” I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior; I don’t know why he didn’t say, “I love you, too.” When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and vacant. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried, until I also fell asleep. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY:
Today the Lakers lost, but at least I got laid.
What is a gay farmers favorite candy?
-A Jolly Rancher!
A zebra dies goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter,
“Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes.”
St. Peter, “I can’t answer that question…but see God walking around over there? Ask him.”
Zebra to God, “God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?”
God looks at the zebra sagely and states, “You are what you are.”
Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter.
What did He say,” asks S.P.
“Oh,,” replies the zebra. “He just said, ‘You are what you are,’ and I still don’t know whether I’m black with white stripes or white with black stripes.”
“Oh, that’s easy,” says S.P. “You are white with black stripes.”
“How do you know?” asks the zebra. “Well,” says S.P., “if you were black with white stripes he would have said ‘you is what you is.'”
Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea
when he died?
Five sailors died digging his grave.
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia?
The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were
pulling the pins and throwing them back.
Have You heard about the new Divorce Barbie Doll?
It comes with all of Ken’s stuff!
mickey mouse and miney were getting a divorce and the judge tells mickey he cant divorce mickey just because he thinks she acts stupid and mickey says i didnt say she acted stupid i said she was fucking goofy
Q: What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
A: National Dyslexics Association.
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!” she screamed.
That’s funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her too!”
Un joven va a pedir trabajo a una farmacia. El due�o le cuestiona acerca de lo que sabe hacer; el tipo dice que es adivino y que sabe lo que las personas quieren comprar. El due�o lo pone a prueba:
“A ver, �qu� va a comprar ese viejecito?”
“Va a comprar una pomada para la artritis”.
Entra el anciano y pide una pomada para la artritis.
“Ese ni�o, �qu� va a comprar?”
“Va a comprar pastillas para la tos”.
Entra el ni�o y compra pastillas para la tos.
“Bueno, la �ltima prueba: �qu� va a comprar la se�ora que entra?”
“Va a comprar supositorios”.
Entra la se�ora y pide toallas femeninas.
Entonces, el farmac�utico le dice al joven que fall�, ya que no compr� supositorios.
“S�, pero le fall� por unos cent�metros”.
Q: How many programmers dose it take to changr a lightbilb?
A:None…that’s a harware issue.