19 THINGS THAT IT TOOK some people 50 YEARS TO LEARN.
1. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
2. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of
age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is
that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average
drivers.
3. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
4. People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is
to annoy people who are not in them.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it
too seriously.
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one
individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take
command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
9. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental
illness.”
10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
11. Never lick a steak knife.
12. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other
people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age
11.
16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the
human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full
potential, that word would be “meetings.”
17. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not
a nice person.
18. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of
its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL
NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad
hairstyle.
19. Your friends love you, anyway.
FUNNY THOUGHTS
“You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.”
– Sacha Guitry