What do cannibals use to freshen their breath? Men-tos
Author: admin
You’re so ugly…
You’re so ugly you make blind kids cry!
Coffee is better than Women.
Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
~ Coffee doesn’t mind if you wake up at 3 AM and decide to have some.
~ You won’t get arrested for trying to buy coffee at 3 AM.
~ Coffee never runs out.
~ No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
~ You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
~ When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
~ Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
~ Coffee can be ready in 15 minutes or less.
~ White men can take black coffee home to their parents.
~ Coffee doesn’t complain when you put whipped cream on it.
~ You can always heat up coffee.
~ Coffee smells and looks good in the morning.
~ If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn’t put on weight.
~ Two words; INSTANT COFFEE !
Bilingual Dog
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. “Well,” says the personnel director, “You’ll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you must type at least 60 words per minute.”
Sitting down at the typewriter, the dog types out 80 words per minute.
“Also,” says the director, “You must pass a physical and complete the obstacle course.”
This perfect canine specimen finishes the course in record time.
“There’s one last requirement,” the director continues; “you must be bilingual.”
With confidence, the dog looks up at him and says, “Meow!”
Help. I Lost My Crippled Turtle.
Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs?
Wherever you put it, dumbass.
Airplane Pilot
A plane takes off from New York’s Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising
altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,’ he says. ‘The weather ahead
looks clear, so sit back, relax and – OH MY GOD!’
The intercom falls silent.
A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom. ‘I’m so sorry for
scaring you all earlier,’ he says.
‘But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants!’
‘That’s nothing,’ a passenger in coach shouted. ‘You should see the back of
mine!’
Michael Jackson and his Lawyer
Michael Jackson sat down with his lawyer.
The lawyer says, “I have good news and bad news”
Michael asks for the bad news.
The lawyer says, “They have a real strong case for molestation and you are going to do serious time.”
Michael asks for the good news.
The lawyer says, “I think you can serve it in a juvenile detention facility.”
My cookies
One day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather.
Grandpa is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a sip.
“Can your dick touch your asshole?” replies the grandpa.
He says no, so the grandpa says “well, then you arent old enough yet to drink beer”.
The little boy goes back to his grandparents house about a week later and is again sitting on the poarch with grandpa, and again asks if he can have a sip of grandpa’s beer.
“Can your dick touch your asshole yet?” He says it still cant, so Grandpa say “Sorry, but youre still not old enough yet”
The little boy goes inside where grandma gives him a plate of fresh cookies. He goes back outside and Grandpa asks him if he can have one.
“Can YOUR dick touch YOUR asshole, Grandpa?”
“Sure can” says Grandpa.
“Well good for you, then go fuck yourself, cuz these are my cookies”
Little Red Riding Hood gets a little X-Rated
Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said: ‘You’d better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do; He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said: ‘Don’t worry Mum, I’ve got it covered.’
So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said, ‘You shouldn’t be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do if he catches you. He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
So she pulled out the shotgun and said: ‘Don’t worry boys. Got it covered!’
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said: ‘You shouldn’t have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I’m going to do. I’m going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off.’
So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said, ‘No. You’re going to eat me like the book says.’
LOL
How do you starve a black guy?
Hide his foodstams under his work boots!!
Q: How many Americal
Q: How many Americal college football players does it take to change a light bulb?A: The entire team! And they all get a semester’s credit for it!
Hippie and the Nun
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The
hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The
nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus
at the next stop. When the bus starts on its way the driver says to
the hippie, “I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with
you”. The hippie says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells
him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the
cemetery and prey�s to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in
the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command
her to have sex with you. The hippie decides this is a great idea, so
on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up.
At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle
of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. “I AM GOD” I
have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT … first you must
have sex with me. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might
keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie
agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes
he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts “Ha, Ha I’m the
hippie!!” Then the nun jumps up and shouts “Ha Ha I’m the bus
driver!!”