If a cow takes a picture, how the picture comes out?
black and white.
Author: admin
10 reasons why…
1. It’s easier for a woman to “turn on” a computer
2. Women don’t have motherboard fixations.
3. Women are much better at FDISK-ing a hard drive
4. When lost on the Internet, women are willing to ask for directions.
5. Women can communicate gossip and rumors quicker than the fastest modem.
6. Only women (I think) can marry Bill Gates.
7. Women see a 14 inch monitor they think it’s a 14 incher and not a 20.
8. Women have bigger SMART drives.
9. Women don’t think with their joysticks.
10. Women actually read installation manuals.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Cobbles
Two nuns were riding their bikes along a cobbled street.
One turned to the other and said,”I’ve never come this way before!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing and Curtis
Hillary so interested in Whitewater.
Q: Why was Hillary SO interested in Whitewater?
A: She had heard whitewater could be found going over a dike (dyke).
Un abogado distinguido muri� y
Un abogado distinguido muri� y sus familiares decidieron incinerarlo, pero como el dinero no les alcanzaba decidieron hacer una colecta. Cuando se acercan a pedir la colaboraci�n de una persona, �sta deposit� en la urna tan s�lo un peso.
“�S�lo un peso?, pregunt� el recolector, “�S�lo un peso para incinerar a un abogado?”
A lo que el hombre contest�:
“�Ah!… �es para incinerar a un abogado?. Ten 500 pesos para que incineres a 20 abogados.”
What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
Her feet!
Clergy on the beach
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery. Presently, a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn’t help but stare.As she passed them she turned, smiled, and said: “Good morning father, good morning father.” Nodding and addressing each of them individually.They were both stunned; how in the world were they recognized as priests?They went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits and again they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “good morning father”, “good morning father” and started to walk away.One of the priests couldn’t stand it and said, “just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?””Oh father, don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Kathryn!”
For every action, there is
For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
English Scientists
Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.The idea was to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields. British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the train driver’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.NASA responded with a one-line memo: “Thaw the chicken.”
Top 5 Bar Jokes
1. A woman walks into a bar with her well-groomed poodle. She
yells, “this place is a pigstye.” The bartender comes up to her
and say,”How can you bring that creature in here? The woman
exclaims, “I’ll have you know that this is a prize winning
poodle. The guy says, “I wasn’t talkin to you, lady.”
2. A guy came into a bar one night and ordered two beers. He
drinks the first one and poors the second one over his hand. He
does this three times. He orders a beer. He drinks one and poors
the other one over his hand. The bartender asks him, “You’re
payin for the beers so I don’t care but im just wonderin, what
are you doing?” The guy says, “I’m gettin my date drunk.”
3. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have the
Salmon Salad. The bartender says, “We dont serve food here.”
4. This guy tells his friend about a bar where if you drink two
beers, you get laid. The guy says, “Great, lets go!” They both
go and have two beers. Nothing happens. They do it agin. Still
Nothing. The guy says, “I thought you said we would get laid.”
“I don’t know, that’s what my sister told me.”
5. A guy is playin a piano in a bar and he has a monkey on the
piano. The monkey drinks a few beers and starts dancing around
the bar. He pees in some guy’s beer. He walks over to the piano
player and says, “Do you know your monkey just pissed in my
drink?” “No, but if you hum a few bars maybe i’ll catch on.”
You are not in the book
Three preachers and their wives were killed in a car accident, upon their
arrival at the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter.
The first preacher walked up and said” Hello St. Peter, I’m ready to come in”.
St. Peter checked his list and said” I’m sorry your name is not in the book.”
“What!” exclaimed the preacher,” I have been a preacher for thirty years!”
“Yes” replied St. Peter,”However,you are guilty of glutteny, you loved food and
sweets so much you even married a woman named Candy.”
The pastor,defeated took his wifes hand and walked away.
The next preacher came up to the St. feeling pretty certain he would be
allowed in. “I’m ready to come in St. Peter” he said with a smile.”I’m sorry,
your name is not in the book.” “HOw can that be?” asked the preacher, “I have
been a pastor for 20 years!” You are guilty of the sin of greed, you loved money
so much, you married a woman named Penny.” Defeated, the preacher took his wifes
hand and walked away. The last preacher, certain of the out-come, turned to his
wife and said, “Come on Fanny, I’m not gettin’ in.”
Remember the Alamo
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, “We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive”The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps.The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also jumps.This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.