Naughty Pastors

Three pastors and their wives were car-pooling their way back from a
revival when suddenly their van slid off the side of a cliff. Sadly, they
were all killed.

At the Pearly Gates, Peter called the first couple forward. Looking
through his book, Peter looked up at the first preacher sharply, “You
hypocrit!” he boomed, “All you ever cared about in your life was money!
Money is evil, money won’t buy you happiness! Yet you’ve hoarded money all
your life! You were the wealthiest person in your whole community. In
fact, you were so consumed with money that you married a woman named
Penny, isn’t that so?” he demanded.

Obviously shaken, the preacher meekly responded, “Y-yes, Sir, That’s
true.” “Well, you did preach the gospel, so I won’t send you off to
you-know-where, but you don’t get to come in the front gate. You have to
walk all the way around heaven and enter in the back door. Off you go!”
And the couple went shamefully on their way.

St. Peter leered at the next pastor, “And you!” Peter hissed. “All you
ever talked and cared about was Alcohol! The bottle this and the bottle
that. Yet, you’ve been drunk nearly every time you preached. In fact, you
were so consumed with alcohol and drinking that you married a woman named
Brandy, is that so!?” he accused. The pastor only nodded in shame. “Well,
but you preached a powerful sermon — despite being drunk — so no hell
for you either. But you don’t get to come in the front gate either. You
have to walk all the way around heaven and enter in the back door.” And
the couple slowly shuffled off.

“And you!” St. Peter began.The third Pastor held up his hand to silence
St. Peter and turned to his wife and said, “We’d better start walkin’,
Fanny.”

Washington hotel

this man and his wife were vacationing in Washington D.C. . they checked into a hotel and was getting ready to settle in for the night his wife being the natural worrier she was said honey I’ve heard that a lot of these hotel’s here in Washington are bugged because a lot of politician’s stay in them, so i would feel better if you would just check this place out. the man decided to humor his wife so that she would be more comfortable and they both could get some sleep. he started looking under the bed and all the furniture, he even checked the lamp shade’s, he finally went over and rolled a corner of the carpet back, and sure enough, there was a weird gadget screwed into the floor. he unscrewed it from the floor and examined it and said i don’t know if it’s a bug or not, but it’s definitely history, and he flushed it down the toilet with that, his wife seemed to be appeased so they went to bed and got a good night’s sleep. the next morning when they were checking out, the hotel manager ask, did you enjoy your stay at our fine hotel? the man and woman both agreed that they did, and they got a good night’s sleep. the hotel manager said well i wish could say that for the people in the room down below you. the man and woman said why, what happened? the hotel manager said a chandelier fell on them last night.

Stop? Or Slow Down?

A police officer who was “sitting” at a stop sign, watched a man roll through the intersection without stopping. He pulled the driver over and requested to see the driver’s license and registration. The driver asked, “But officer, why’d you stop me?”

“Didn’t you see the stop sign back there?” the officer answered.

“You didn’t come to a full stop.”

“But I DID slow down,” replied the driver.

“But you didn’t STOP — it’s a stop sign,” the officer insisted.

“But I DID slow down,” the driver stubbornly argued.

“But it’s not a ‘slow down’ sign … it’s a STOP sign,” argued back the officer.

After going back and forth with this several times, the officer became agitated, grabbed the driver by the neck and dragged him out through the open window. He then began to kick him and beat him with his night stick.

After several kicks and whacks, and the driver’s panic-stricken screaming, the officer politely asked, “So do you want me to stop, or do you want me to slow down?”

Horseback Riding

A blonde had a near death experience when she went horseback
riding the other day. Everything was going fine until the horse
started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to
hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly
get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this
happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued
to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down.
Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the
Walmart manager happened to walk by and unplug the ride.