Author: admin

A lady was a huge Paul MCCartney fan and wanted a tattoo of him on the inside of her thigh. She went to the parlour and told the guy what she wanted.

He says: “OK, take your skirt and underwear off and sit in the chair with your legs apart”.

She did that and he started on the tattoo. Pretty soon he’s done, blows off the dust and admires his work.

“Who the heck’s that?” she says.
“It’s Paul McCartney”, he replies.

“Doesn’t look like him at all” says she. “Now get it right or I’ll report you”.

So the tattooist starts on the other thigh. Really trying hard to do a better job. Finally he’s done, blows off the dust and feels pretty good.

The woman is pissed off “No way that’s Paul Mccartney” she says.
“It bloody well is” says the man. “Listen I’ll get a second opinion”

He goes out of his store and grabs the first person he sees. The guy is a drunk who’s been stumbling along the sidewalk. The tattooist drags the drunk into his store. There’s the woman, sitting legs apart with nothing on below her waist.

The tattoist says to the drunk (pointing at the womans legs)…
“Tell me who the hell you think that is”.

The drunk says (in a drunken slur voice), “I’ve no idea who the people are on her thighs but the guy in the middle is a dead ringer for Willie Nelson”!

A man goes to the nursing home to visit his 84 year-old father. While there he notices the nurse is giving his father hot chocolate and Viagra.

The man asks, “Why are you doing that? I mean, at his age what will it do for him?”

The nurse explains, “The hot chocolate will help him sleep.”

The man says, “And the Viagra?”

“Keeps him from falling out of bed.”

When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and
are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.

Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their
last sins before they are made holy.

“And so,” says St. Peter, “have you ever had any contact with a
penis?”

“Well,” says the first Nun in line, “I did once just touch the tip of
one with the tip of my finger.”

“OK” says St. Peter, “Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on
into heaven.”

The next Nun admits that “Well, yes, I did once get carried away and
I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit.”

“OK” says St. Peter, “Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on
into heaven.”

Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is
trying to cut in front.

“Well now, what’s going on here?” says St. Peter.

“Well, your Excellency,” says the Nun who is trying to improve her
position in line, “If I’m going to have to gargle that stuff, I want
to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it.”