The anti-gay mayor of Spokane, Washington, has taken a leave of absence from his job after allegations that he offered city jobs to men he met in a gay chat room.
…One of the guys he offered a job to is the former governor of New Jersey.
Author: admin
Bacon tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when
all of a sudden…
“Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet”.
“Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee”.
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon…every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!
“Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree”.
“Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don’ forget”.
“Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon…ees no
meerage, ees a bacon tree”.
And with that…Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
fire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
“Pepe…go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree”
“Luis, Luis mi amigo…what ees eet?”
“Pepe…ees not a bacon tree…. Ees, a Ham Bush”
Street
A client who felt his legal bill was too high asked his lawyer to itemize
costs. The statement included this item:”Was walking down the street and saw you
on the other side. Walked to the corner to cross at the light, crossed the
street and walked quickly to catch up with you. Got close and saw it wasn’t you.
— $50.00.”
Macho Man
What is a more macho man?
At the critical moment when he can’t get it up, he asks the woman, ‘Does this happen to you often?’
Un m�dico cubano presume:
Un m�dico cubano presume:
“La medicina en mi pa�s est� tan avanzada, que podemos tomar el ri��n de un hombre; trasplant�rselo a otro y tener a �ste buscando trabajo en seis semanas”.
Un m�dico italiano asegura:
“Eso no es nada, nosotros podemos tomar el pulm�n de una persona y transplantarlo en otro, y lo tenemos buscando trabajo en cuatro semanas”.
Un m�dico brasile�o se jacta:
“En mi pa�s, la medicina est� tan avanzada, que podemos tomar la mitad del coraz�n de una persona y transplantar esa parte a otra, y los tenemos a ambos buscando trabajo en dos semanas”.
El m�dico argentino, para no ser aventajado, asegura:
“Ustedes est�n muy atr�s comparados con la Argentina: nosotros tomamos a un hombre sin cerebro; lo pusimos en la Presidencia y en menos de lo que se pela un huevo, la mitad del pa�s est� buscando trabajo”.
Keonte joke
why is 6 scard of 7?because 7 anit 9.
Superman?
This business man goes up to a bar, located at the top of The Empire State
Building in New York. It looks like a nice Place. He takes a seat at the bar
next to another guy.
“This is a really a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” The first guy
says.
“Oh really?� the other replies, “it’s also a very special Bar”.
“Why is that?� the first guy asks.
“Well, you see that painting on the far wall? That’s an, Original Van Gogh.
And this stool I’m sitting on was on the Titanic.”
“Gee, that’s amazing!� the first guy says.
“Not only that, but you see that window over there, the fourth One from the
right? Well, the wind does strange things outside that window. If you jump out
you’ll fall only about 50 feet before an updraft catches you and you’re pushed
back up.”
“No way, that’s impossible”, the first guy replies.
“Not at all, take a look”, the other man replies and walks over to the window,
followed closely by the first man. He Opens the window, climbs up on the sill,
and falls out. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet, come to a stop, and
whoosh! He comes right back up and floats back in through the window.
“See, its fun! You should try it”, he says.
“Try it; I don’t even believe I saw it!� the first man
Exclaims.
“It’s easy. Watch, I’ll do it again”. And with that, he falls out the window
again. He drops 10… 20… 30… 40… 50 feet. Once again, he comes to a
stop, and whoosh! He sails right Back up and floats safely through the window.
“Give it a try, it’s a blast,” he says.
“Well, what the heck, it does look like fun. I believe I will Give it a try”,
the first man says. He climbs up on the Window sill and proceeds to fall out
the window. He falls 10… 20… 30… 40… 50… 60…
70…80…90…100 feet, and splat! He ends up on the sidewalk.
After watching the first man fall to his death, the other guy casually closes
the window and heads back to the bar. As he sits down and orders another drink.
The bartender arrives with the drink and says, “You know, Superman, you’re a
real jerk when you’re drunk!”
Not me!
A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore.
As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself.
Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!”
The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.
“Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he?d also shit in your pants.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Terrorism
I get a big laugh at the dialogue of Osama bin Laden, the Taliban, politicians, and the news media.
They say terrorists will hit us again in the oncoming weeks and months. What a joke! You have a better chance of getting killed on Interstate 35E than by a terrorist.
Osama has probably seen 100 degree plus summers in Afghanistan, but he doesn’t have fire ants to go with it. If he did, he wouldn’t be sleeping on the ground in his cave.
He talks of pain and suffering he is going to inflict on us. He doesn’t know what pain is until he gets kicked by a green broke, two year old colt in a freezing rain.
Germ warfare? Texas ticks will give you Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and Lime disease, blister beetles kill your horse, green bugs destroy a wheat crop, and termites eat your house. Anthrax has killed Texas cattle for over 125 years.
What’s new? Our prairie dogs carry the plague, armadillos carry leprosy, and our bats and skunks carry rabies. We have rattlesnakes, copperheads, and water moccasins. Ho hum.
They talk of gas and biological warfare. They have never pulled in behind a cattle truck while its raining, or ridden in the front seat of a pick-up between two cowboys after they have just eaten a big bowl of Texas Red Beans.
Texas ain’t for sissies! We have posted signs all over the state that say “Don’t mess with Texas!” Osama, consider yourself warned!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bad News and Good News
Jill phoned her husband, John, at work for a chat. “I’m sorry dear,” said John, “but I’m up to my neck in work today. I don’t have time to chat.”
Jill replied, “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.”
“OK darling,” said John, “but as I’ve got no time right now, just give me the good news.”
“Okay,” agreed Jill. “Well, the air bag works…bye!”
You’re gonna croak!
A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill.
The doctor says, “You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening.”
The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. “Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember,” she says. “I am going to treat you like a king!”
She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen.
She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise.
Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her… “Honey?” he whispers.
She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband’s dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore.
Well, the man decides to tap her again. “Honey?” he whispers.
She rolls over and yells, “Oh sure!…
You’re not the one that has to get up in the morning!!!
Penguin Car Trouble
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices that the oil-pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands, he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says, “It looks like you blew a seal.””No, no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.”