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Over drinks one afternoon a buddy of mine and I were discussing former “loves”.
I told him that I once broke-up with a girl long ago because she had a seemingly incurable speech impediment.
George said, “Jimmy, I’m shocked. I never know you to be one to be prejudiced against handicaps. What was the girl’s problem?”
Taking a sip, I paused and reflected. “She couldn’t say ‘yes’.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
Larry says, “Look Ma, no hands!”
Larry says, “Look Ma, no feet!”
(Thud)
Larry says, “Wook Ma, mo teef!”
Un polic�a est� muy triste y acongojado y un compa�ero le pregunta:
“�Oye, qu� te pasa? �Por qu� tienes esa cara?”
“Imag�nate que hoy en la ma�ana, mientras me ba�aba, decid� que ya era bueno ba�ar a mi perro, el pastor alem�n que tengo. Lo met� a la ducha y me estaba ba�ando con �l, repentinamente se me cay� el jab�n al suelo y mientras lo recog�a, el maldito perro me penetr� por detr�s”.
El compa�ero consol�ndolo le dice: “Tranquilo, hombre, que eso s�lo lo sabemos t� y yo, y yo no voy a decir nada”.
“�No s�lo t� y yo, el maldito perro me arrastr� por todo el barrio!”
Conduct During the Holiday Season…
Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko’s to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor’s push-button phone during a party is forbidden.
(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
Rental cars are not to be used to go “over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.”
Endlessly singing “Frosty, the Snowman” under your breath at the mall will result in “no presents” this year.
All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.
Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.
Letting Grampa play “Santa” in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.
Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year’s “incident” when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected “appearance.”
A blonde girl was eating Cheerios cereal one morning, and turned to her father and said, “Look Daddy . . . doughnut seeds.”
How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? Her tampon is behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil
Knock KnockWho’s there?Arnie!Arnie who!Arnie having fun?
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
15> “I can’t believe you can fit into such a small Speedo, Bob!”
14> “Most guys think they *have* to have a cool car — but not you.”
13> “A bright red mini-dress! You really have tons of confidence in your inner beauty.”
12> “You really make me feel intelligent — especially when you talk.”
11> “Look at how much weight you’ve lost! That dress didn’t fit you nearly as well at that last wedding you wore it to.”
10> “Not only do you dance surprisingly well, you *smell* better than most ugly chicks.”
9> “Great sermon, Father! That loud part at the end was a real wake-up call!”
8> “Wow! For a first-time sexual encounter, that was refreshingly speedy!”
7> “Now, now, it’s just as important to stay behind and guard the women and children.”
6> “It’s nice that you can wear tight jeans without that unsightly bulge in the crotch that most men have.”
5> “I’ve never seen a man chug so many chardonnays.”
4> “No, really — compared to Grenada, Afghanistan and Somalia, you Iraqi Army guys kick *ass.*”
3> “What I like about your toupee is it says, ‘Hey, I have better things to spend my money on!'”
2> “You have 10 cats?!? Wow, it only smells like three or four.”
1> “Okay, let’s try it. One that size can’t possibly be painful.”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, “Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with the little woman”.
“Oh yeah”, said Eddie. “And how did this one end”?
“When it was over”, Harvey replied. “She came crawling to me on her hands and knees”.
“Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say”?
“She said, ‘Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!'”
Yo momma so loose it’s like throwing a hotdog down the hallway!
Q. What did the blonde say after she said made up a blonde joke?
A. Hahahaaaa who knew making jokes about reds was so fun.