Two dumb guys were taking their first train trip. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they’d never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, ‘I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”Why not?”I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.’
Author: admin
Maxi Pad to the Fart
What did the maxi-pad say to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.
Room Temperature
It doesn’t matter what temperature the room is, it’s always room
temperature.
Despu�s de efectuado el despegue,
Despu�s de efectuado el despegue, el piloto del avi�n se dirige a los pasajeros por el altavoz:
“Estimados pasajeros: Bienvenidos al vuelo 888 con destino a la ciudad de Par�s, nuestro tiempo estimado de vuelo es de 14 horas con 50 minutos, les recordamos que este es un vuelo de no fumar, por favor mantengan sus cinturones abrochados… etc.”
Al terminar el rollo de siempre, olvida apagar el micr�fono y empieza a decirle a su copiloto:
“�Ahora s�, cabr�n, nada m�s pongo el piloto autom�tico, me echo un cague, y luego me cojo a la azafata!”
Al notar que todos los pasajeros escuchan el comentario, la azafata sale corriendo para avisarle al capit�n que apague el micr�fono, cuando una anciana sentada junto al pasillo le pone tremendo bastonazo y la tumba al suelo. La aeromoza, desconcertada, voltea a ver a la viejita, quien le advierte:
“�Quieta, piruja! Primero d�jalo que cague”.
Rodney in Bar
Rodney walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. One for me
and one for my best buddy here.”
The bartender says, “You want both drinks now or do you want me to wait until
your buddy arrives to pour his?”
Rodney says, “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in my pocket
here.” With that he pulls out a little 3-inch man from his pocket.
The bartender says, “Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?” “Oh,
sure. He can drink it all, and then some�, the man retorted. So the bartender
poured the two shots.
Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
“That’s amazing,” says the bartender. “What else can he do? Can he walk?”
Rodney flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar
and says, “Hey, Algo fetch that quarter�. The little guy runs down to the end
of the bar, picks up the quarter, and runs back down and gives it to Rodney.
The bartender is totally amazed by this display. “That’s amazing,” he says,
“what else can he do? Does he talk?”
Rodney looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and
squawks, “Talk? Sure he talks. Hey Al, tell him about that time we were in down
in Africa on safari and you insulted that witch doctor!”
God Grants Wishes
A small coach carrying ten passengers falls off of a cliff killing everyone. Their soles all rise up to heaven and God is waiting at the gates.
He says to them that he is extremely sorry for what happened and none of them were supposed to die yet. God then said he will send them all back to earth granting each person one wish.
The first person steps up and wishes to be a millionaire, suddenly there is a loud laugh from the back of line.
The second comes up and wishes to marry a beautiful women. Again their is a loud laugh from the back of the line.
The rest continue to make wishes until the last person comes up. God then tells him: “Alright Mr. Laughter, whats your wish?”
The man tells him that his wish is to reverse the rest of the wishes.
Orgasm pill
Have you heard about the new orgasm pill just approved by the FDA for women?
It comes with a 16 inch applicator.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
What’s the difference between Bill
What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.
Lost & Found
Monica was going through her jeans and guess what she found?
A wad of Bills.
French happiness
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the
American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in
his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador’s wife was talking
with Madame deGaulle.
“Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a
presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?”
“A penis,” replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer…and
no one knew what to say next.
Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
“Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, ‘appiness.”
Michael and Lisa Marie’s baby
Right after Lisa Marie had Michael Jackson’s baby, they went to see her gynecologist. After the baby’s exam, Michael asked the doctor, “Doctor, how long will it be before we can have sex?” The doctor replied, “Well, Michael, you probably ought to wait until he’s at least 10 or 11.”
In or out?
One day a mom was exasperated with her young son’s antics.
She snapped at him saying, “How do you ever expect to get into heaven?”
“Well,” fidgeted the little boy after some thought. “I’ll run in and out, and keep slamming the door till they say ‘Come in or stay out!’ and then I’ll go in.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci