- So many of our politicians want to be known as miracle workers — it IS a miracle when they work. But that’s not entirely fair. Most do put in a good day’s work — every week.
- And look at Clinton, personally responsible for a resurgence of religion in America. Never has the phrase, “Oh my Dear God !!!” been heard from so many, and so often, since he took office.
- And y’all wonder how these guys get caught in so many scandals ? Hell, haven’t you ever heard the expression ‘exercise discretion’ ? Politicians think it involves some kind of physical effort.
- For those not in the US, we can watch a lot of the proceedings on TV now. In fact, that’s how I stay so slim. I tune in often and just let my flesh crawl.
- As for all these campaign contribution charges and counter-charges, it just proves once again that the United States currently has the very best President and Vice-President that money can buy.
- People outside the US often wonder how you become a Republican. Well, two ways generally, most are because their Fathers were before them; others are because their Fathers were Democrats.
- Congress polices itself though. One representative banked five times his salary in just two years. He’s currently being investigated to see what in the world took him so long.
Author: admin
A well regulated militia, being necessary…
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a
free state,
the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be
infringed.
– The Constitution of the United States of America
Amendment 2, 1791
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates.
A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”
The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter – “Give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell!”
Lauren Joke by Amy
One night a group of middle aged women decided they would sit around, watch movies and drink.
As they sat there trying to decide what they wanted, they came to the choice of getting six packs each.
The only woman that seemed like she had a problem was the airhead blonde.
Trying to figure out what the problem was, one of the girlfriends asked,”Whats the problem? You think you need more?”
The blonde replied,”I dont know. How many beers are in a six pack?”
I think animal testing is
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous
and give the wrong answers.
First Time Football Game
Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won
tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game
before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity
for doing so.
“I think so, too,” said Mabel. “Let’s go!”
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy
expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth
struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then
came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge
nudged her sister.
“I guess we can go home now, Mabel,” she said. “This is where we came in.”
Choking
One day, at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, ��my son’s choking! He
swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!”
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced
at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all,
wrapped his hands around the boy’s gonads and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.
”Thank you! Thank you!” the father cried. ”Are you a paramedic?”
”No,” replied the man, ”I work for the IRS.”
If you’re not part of
If you’re not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
Horse
The horse walked into a bar.
Then the bartender sayes why the long face.
haahahaha.
Stabbed
A quiet little man was brought before a judge. The judge looked down at the
man and then at the charges and then down at the little man in amazement. “Can
you tell me in your own words what happened?” he asked the man.
“I’m a mathematical logician dealing in the nature of proof.”
“Yes, go on,” said the astounded judge.
“Well, I was at the library and I found the books I wanted and went to take
them out. They told me my library card had expired and I had to get a new one.
So I went to the registration office and got in another line. And filled out my
forms for another card. And got back in line for my card.”
“And?” said the judge.
“And he asked ‘Can you prove you are from New York City?’ …So I stabbed
him.”
Outch
A man walks into a bar and says outch
Bastard in Family
For 3 years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
“Helen, why didn’t you write when you learnt you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.”