You’re a redneck if…. You’ve been too drunk to fish.
Author: admin
Fast food
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to
place our order.
There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I
HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
Beech
Micheal jackson was walking on the beech and walked in front of a lady and she yelled hey get out of my son.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dozen!Dozen who?Dozen anyone
Knock KnockWho’s there?Dozen!Dozen who?Dozen anyone ever answer the door!
Deadly Vices
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.”The men left the doctor’s office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realising how seriously they must take the doctor’s words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, “If you bend over to pick that up, we’re both dead.”
Another Dog With No Legs
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t commin’!
You take a fishing pole
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.You’ve ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
Rednecks & Tornados
What do Rednecks and tornados have in common? Answer: Sooner or later, they both end up in trailer parks…..
Slightly Used Car
A woman offered a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten dollars. A man
answered the ad, but he was slightly disbelieving. ”What’s the gimmick?” he
inquired.
”No gimmick,” the woman answered. ”My husband died, and in his will he
asked that the car be sold and the money go to his secretary.”
A pipe gives a wise
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.
Can you tell?
How do you tell if you’re making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
A nurse says, “This won’t hurt a bit.”
A schoolteacher says, “We’re going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right.”
An airline stewardess says, “Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breath normally.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Man hears a voice on the beach
A man is walking along a deserted beach, when all of a sudden he
hears a voice that commands, “Dig!”
The man stops, and looks around but he can’t see anyone so he
continues to walk when the voice says again, “I said dig!”
So he gets on his knees and starts digging deep into the sand
until his hands hit something hard. He struggles for a bit but
then pulls out a treasure chest.
The voice says, “Open!” So the man opens it up and finds
hundreds of thousand of gold coins. The voice says, “To the
casino!”
So the man runs off with his money to the nearest casino, and
changes ALL of it for chips. He enters the door of the gaming
lounge when the voice says, “Russian Roulette!” It takes a
couple of minutes to find the table but he eventually got there.
He figured that the voice knew what it was doing if it had
gotten him that far already.
The worker called for new players and the voice said, “All of it
on red 36!” The man obediently put all of the chips on the
right square and watched the worker start.
The ball went round and round countless times until it finally
stopped on black 12.
The voice said, “Shit!”