What do you get when the Pillsberry Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts!
Author: admin
Desert Isle
This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.”
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.”
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years!” he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleave and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man , oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?
“He replies, “Ten years!” She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve has some REAL fun?”
And the mans replies, “My God! Don’t tell me that you’ve got golf clubs in there!”
Power Of Observation
It is recounted that at King’s College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year’s rounds by teaching “a singularly important principle of medicine.”
He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. “Diabetes,” he said, “is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic…”
By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The sample was passed on to us for an opinion. We all dipped a finger into the fluid, all of us foolishly licked that finger.
“Now,” said the Registrar grinning, “you have learned the first principle of diagnosis. I mean the power of observation.”
We were baffled. We stood near the sluice room outside the ward, and in the distance, some anonymous patient was explosively coughing.
“You see,” the registrar said continuing triumphantly, “I dipped my MIDDLE finger into the urine, but licked my INDEX finger, not like all you chaps!”
A boy writes home hinting that he needs money
Dear Father,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.Love,Your $on. After receiving his son’s letter, the father immediately replies by sending a letter back.Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.Love,Dad
Era el �ltimo d�a de
Era el �ltimo d�a de trabajo de Juan el Cartero despu�s de 35 a�os de llevar la correspondencia al mismo barrio.
Cuando llego a la primer casa de su ruta fue recibido por la familia entera quienes lo rodearon y con aplausos lo felicitaron y le dieron un regalo. En la segunda casa le regalaron una caja de cigarros finos.
En la tercer casa fue recibido en la puerta por una hermosa mujer que vest�a un revelador neglig�. Ella lo tom� de la mano y lo llev� hacia adentro, hasta la rec�mara donde le hizo el amor desenfrenadamente. Cuando �l tuvo suficiente, bajaron las escaleras y fueron a la cocina, donde ella le prepar� un gran almuerzo: Huevos con tocino, pan tostado, hot cakes, leche y jugo de naranja. Luego le puso una taza de caf� caliente. Cuando tom� la taza de caf�, se dio cuenta de que abajo hab�a un billete de un d�lar.
“No tengo palabras para describir lo maravilloso que ha sido esto,” dijo el cartero, “pero �para qu� es el d�lar?”
“Bueno,” dijo ella, “anoche le platique a mi esposo que hoy seria tu �ltimo d�a y que deber�amos hacer algo especial por ti. Le pregunte que podr�a darte, y �l dijo: ‘�A joder con �l y dale un pinche d�lar!’… y bueno, �el desayuno fue idea m�a!”
Avoiding the Crowds
It was Christmas Eve and the judge was in a merry mood as he
asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.
“What?!? That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you
doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened,” he replied.
Ringwald’s Law of Household Geometry…
- Ringwald’s Law of Household Geometry
- Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
“I’m desperately trying to figure out why…
“I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
– Dave Edison
Computer lingo guide
Microchip – What’s left in the bag when the normal chips are gone
Train
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.”
The man leans out, with a glint in his eye, and says “I’ve got a better idea, let’s pretend we’re married.”
“Why not,” giggles the woman.
“Good,” he replies. “Get your own damn blanket.”
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by Clark Kent
Confused Child in Wedding Party
A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he
would take two steps, stop and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s
side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like
claws and roar. So it went, step, step, �ROAR,� step, step, �ROAR,� all the way
down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so
hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the
laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the
Ring Bear.”
Don’t Ask . . . Don’t Tell . . .
The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little negligee she wore on their wedding night.
She looks at her husband and says, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looks up at her and replies, “Yes dear, I do, you wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
“That’s right.” she replied, “And do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nods and says, “Yes dear, I still remember.”
“Well, what was it?”
He responds, “Well honey, as I remember, I said, “Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!”
She giggles and says, “Yes, That was it. That was exactly what you said. And now it’s 50 years later, I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”
Again, he looks up at her and looks her up and down and says, “Mission Accomplished.”