Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate?
A: One to do the work and the other to moan with.
Author: admin
Computer
How do u know a blonde has been on the computer… there potatoes on the
screen.
boatin
First boat attendant: “Boat 99, come in please, your time is up.” Second boat attendant: “Dont be silly Jim, we’ve only got eighty boats.” First boat attendant: “Boat 66 are you in trouble.”
Bar Challenge
New guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well,
first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at
once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back
with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a
woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You got to make things right for
her.”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You
have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from
there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Where sat
tequila?”
He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp
and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the
people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped, and big scratches all
over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
Three guys
Three guys walk up to a bar, the two dumb guys walk into the bar and the third guy ducked.
Holy Water
One morning a man came into the church on crutches.
He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both
legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory
to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
“Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle,” the priest said.
“Tell me where is this man now?”
“Flat on his ass over by the holy water,” said the boy.
Baking bread
Holiday Banana Bread:
Ingredients: 2 laughing eyes, 2 loving arms, 2 well shaped legs, 2 firm milk containers, 1 fur-lined mixing bowl, 1 large banana.
Instructions:
1 – look into laughing eyes and hold loving arms.
2 – Spread well shaped legs slowly.
3 – Squeeze & massage milk containers until the fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased, check with middle finger.
4 – Add banana, work up and down until well creamed.
5 – Lower nuts and sigh with relief, when banana is soft, bread is done!
6 – Be sure to wash mixing utensils, but, “do not lick the bowl.”
NOTE: If bread rises, leave town.
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Mrs santa
what did mrs clause say to mr clause dont go out in that raindeer
Reality is an illusion that
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
Joke found on http://www.randomjoke.com
Fat Momma
Your Momma is so fat, when she put on a yellow rain suit everyone yelled twinkie!!!
WHITNEY AND DAIVD
hello
one day david kiss whitney
lol lol lol lol
she said lets have a christmas party science
its…
march
i saw them walking like a real couple
daivd love whitney
whitney long
or
daivd hagan
lol
i love daivd
from withney
Bedroom Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. “Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. “Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.””What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.”Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”