A man sees an advert for a pianist job in a hotel, and is
interested. He aproaches the receptionist in the hotel, and
says, “I want to see the fucking manager”. The receptionists
requests the man not to use such language in the hotel, but
tells him he will go and get the manager.
So the receptionist introduces the man to the manager. “I’m here
for the fucking pianist job”. Once again the man is requesed not
to use such language.
The manager asks if the pianist can play any classical music.
The pianist replays, “Can I play classical” and sits down at the
piano and plays the best classical music you’ve ever heard.
The manager is impressed, and asks for the name of the song, to
which the pianist replys, “I was sitting in the garden with my
bitch and the moonlight was shining off her nipples”.
The manager is a little bit startled, but continues to ask the
pianist if he could play any blues. The man replys, “Can
I play blues” and goes on to play the greatest bluse you’ve ever
heard. Again the manger asks what the song was called, and the
pianist replys, “I bent her over the table and rammed her up the
arse”.
Once again the manger was startled, however the pianist was
amazing so he offered the man the job on two conditions. He was
not allowed to speak to any guests, and he wasn’t allowed to
introduce any of his songs. The man thought for a while but
finally agreed.
Things were going fine for the first week, until a gorgeous
looking woman entered the restaurant at the hotel. The pianist
wanted to speak to her but at the same time he wanted to keep
his job. So instead he went of to the toilet for a wank. Half
way through he heard the manager call out, “Where is that
pianist”, so he just stopped what he was doing and ran back to
the piano and started playing again.
A few minutes later the woman approached the pianist and said,
“do you know your flys are undone, your cocks hanging out and
your dripping cum all over your shoes”, to which the pianist
quickly replys, “do I know it? I fucking wrote the song!”
Author: admin
Yo mama’s teeth are so yellow
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
Yo mamma
yo momma is so black when she got out her car the oil light came on
Redneck Family Tree
REDNECK FAMILY TREE
Many, many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be,
This widow had a daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father’s wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow’s grown-up daughter Who, of course was my step-mother.
Father’s wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter’s son.
My wife is now my mother’s mom. And it surely makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, am my own grandpa!
Your E. T. Mamma
Yo mamma so fat she would have been in E. T. but when she flew across the moon her fat ass caused an eclipse.
Gon
one nite 3 blonds go
Q: How many copyeditors
Q: How many copyeditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: None. “I’m not changing a thing”
Microsoft Copyright Infringment
Microsoft (MSFT) has announced a 54 million dollar lawsuit against Tomagotchi maker, Bandai. Microsoft is claiming that the Tomagotchi (the Japanese electronic pet that’s all the rage with kids) is an infringement of its intellectual property.
Microsoft spokesperson, Erik Loregard stated “Software that needs constant, even hourly attention, or else it dies? Sounds like Windows to me. This is clearly an infringement on our technology”.
The Bandai company spokesman refused to comment on the suit.
Virgin
What do you call a virgin in Arkansas?
A 12 year old that can run faster than her daddy.
Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo
Network –
Network – Scoop’n up a big fish before it breaks the line.Online – Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.Rom – Where the pope lives.
Christmas Eve in Brooklyn
‘Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mellow,
Not a creature was stirrin’,
I had a gun unda my pillow.
When up on da roof’
I heard somethin’ pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”
When what to my
Wanderin’ eyes should appear,
But dat hairy elf Vinny,
And eight friggin’ reindeer.
Wit’ a bad hackin’ cough,
And da stencha burped beer,
I knew in a moment
Yo, da Kringle wuz here!
Wit’ a slap to dere snouts,
And a yank on dere manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.
“Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Sally, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”
As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
Down came his boot
On da top a my head.
His eyes were all bloodshot,
His b.o. wuz scary,
His breath wuz like sewage,
He had a mole dat wuz hairy.
He spit in my eye,
And he twisted my head,
He soon let me know
I should consider myself dead.
Den pointin’ a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He let out some gas,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
…..screaming,
And away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin’.
But I heard him exclaim,
Or better yet grump,
“Merry Christmas to all, and
Bite me, ya hump!”
Bill Gates
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God….’Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows’95.I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go.”Well, what’s the difference between the two?’ Bill asks.God says, ‘I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision.”Fine, but where should I go first?”I’ll leave that up to you.”Okay, then,’ says Bill. ‘Let me try Hell first.’So Bill goes to Hell. It’s a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect.He is very pleased. ‘This is great!’ he tells God. ‘If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!”Fine,’ says God, and off they go.Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It’s nice, but not as enticing as Hell.Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides. ‘Hmm. I think I’d prefer Hell,’ he tells God.’Fine,’ replies God. ‘As you desire.’So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. ‘How’s everything going?’ he asks Bill.Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, ‘This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?”Oh … that was the SCREENSAVER.