The girl asked her lover, “Darling, if we get engaged, will you give me a
ring?”
“Sure, ” replied her lover “What’s your phone number?”
Author: admin
Deep thoughts
* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
* If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with “Quit while you’re ahead?”
* I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me, they’re cramming for their finals.
* I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use…toothpicks?
* Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do…write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
* How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?
* If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
* Go ahead and take risks….just be sure that everything will turn out OK.
* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
* Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
* How come you don’t ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow?
* Light travels faster than sound. Maybe that’s why some people appear bright until you hear them talk….
* Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
* If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Ways to confuse a roommate
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.183. Move very stiffly and grin. Tell your roommate that you’ve turned into Gumby.
Your mamas so bald
your mamas so bald that when she wears a sweat shirt she looks like a broken condum
2 Nuns & a blonde
What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Why do blondes wear underwear?
Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.
She’s got a wide one…
It seems that Annie was born with a rather unusually large vagina and therefore has been unable to sustain any sort of long-term relationships because even the most well endowed men soon lose interest because of her inability to satisfy them sexually.
So when a guy from the office whom she really liked asked her out, she decided to take desperate measures. On the way home she stops at the butcher and buys a kilo of fresh liver. She gets ready for her big date and slides that kilo of liver into her box, hoping that it will take up some of the slack, just in case the evening should turn out to be romantic.
Bill picks her up, they go out, dinner, dancing, cocktails, have the BEST time, and sure enough, end up back at her place, have some great sex and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Annie wakes up the next morning and Bill is nowhere to be seen. She sighs and thinks, “Oh well, I gave it my best shot, I guess I’m doomed to end up an old maid.”
She goes downstairs to make coffee and finds a note on the kitchen table…..
“Dear Annie,
Thank you so much for last night! I had a really GREAT time, and I think you are WONDERFUL!
Sorry I had to leave so early, but I’ll call you later and I hope we can get together again REAL SOON!
Love You,
Bill
(P.S. Your cunt’s in the sink)
If at first you don’t
If at first you don’t succeed, your successor will.
Ben
Knock-Knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben knocking on the door all afternoon.
Birthday Present For Wife
Two men are sitting in a pub talking, one mentions that it’s his wife’s birthday soon and he doesn’t know what to get her.
The second man says that he bought his wife a blue Porsche and a red Porsche for her birthday because if she didn’t like the blue one, she could have the red one, and vice versa.
The next week, the second man asks the other what he finally bought his wife. He replies, “a necklace and a vibrator.”
“Why?” asks the second man.
To which the other man replies, “Because if she doesn’t like the necklace, she can go fuck herself.”
JokesGalore News Wire…
“Fresh in from the JokesGalore.com News Wire…”
According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of stopping.
If anything, it’s getting worse.
Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded we have more breaking news…
We are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song!
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.
Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal…stay tuned…
Bakers have hot buns….
Bakers have hot buns.