La maestra les pide a

La maestra les pide a los alumnos un proyecto de investigaci�n en el que comprueben una hip�tesis y sea expuesto en clase. Al d�a siguiente, Pepito llega con un cangrejo; lo coloca sobre una mesa; le arranca 2 patitas y le ordena:

“Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina”.

El pobre animal hace un esfuerzo y logra caminar. Extra�ada, la maestra le cuestiona que qu� quiere probar con eso.

“Espere un momento y lo ver�”.

Entonces, Pepito le arranca otras dos patas al crust�ceo y le vuelve a ordenar:

“Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina”.

Con tan s�lo dos patas, el bicho logra camina con bastante dificultad.

“�Qu� quieres probar con esto?”, interrumpe la maestra, reiterando la pregunta.

“Espere un momento”.

Y, por si fuera poco, le arranca las �ltimas dos patas sin contemplaciones y nuevamente le ordena:

“Cangrejito camina, cangrejito camina”.

Molesta y sin comprender, la maestra insiste:

“Ahora s�, Pepito, �cu�l es la conclusi�n del proyecto?”

“�Qu� cuando el cangrejo pierde todas las patas se queda sordo!”

No wonder:

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete is leafin’ through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you’re in.”

The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin’ down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of ’em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I get out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I rip the leader’s chain off his face and smash him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yell to the rest of them, ‘Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You’re all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'”

St. Peter, impressed, says “Really? When did this happen?” “Oh, about two minutes ago.”

I Said the F Word

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, “Father during the week I said the F-word.”

The priest says, “Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary’s and your sins will be forgiven.”

The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation.

“Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church,” said the guy.

“Is that why you said the F-word?” the priest asked.

“No,” the guy replied. “I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough.”

“Is that why you said the F-word?” the priest asked.

“No,” the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. “My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the green.”

“Is that why you said the F-word?” the priest asked.

“No,” the guy said. “As I went to play my ball a squirrel grabbed it and took off with it.”

“Is that why you said the F-word?” the priest asked.

“No,” the guy replied. “As the squirrel was running away with my ball an eagle swooped down on it and took off with the squirrel and my ball.”

“Is that why you said the F-word?” the priest asked.

“No,” the guy replied. “The eagle dropped the squirrel over the green and the ball rolled out of its mouth and finished 5 inches from the hole.”

The priest said, “Don’t tell – me you missed the fucking putt!”

Sports Mum

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach, “now go over there and explain it to your mother.”

The Top 14 Things Overheard at an Animal Hotel (Part I)

14> Lost and Found? You don’t happen to have any unclaimed testicles lying around, do you? 13> A double please. Mr. Cottontail and I always have more children by bedtime. 12> Hello, front desk? Room service forgot to leave my room like a pig sty! 11> This place is exquisite! No wonder Michelin gave it a five-turd rating! 10> Don’t touch the mini bar, Fluffy. $15 for catnip, my ass. 9> Why on earth would they put a bidet right next to the drinking bowl?! 8> I tried to check out, but the clerk kept saying, ‘Stay.’ 7> Hey, concierge, there’s a hundred in it for you if you can scare me up some poodle. Another hundred if she’s French. 6> Why, of course moths are welcome here! We’ll leave the light on for ya. 5> Every time I try to get a total of how many sheep have checked in, I fall asleep. 4> Good morning, Mr. Bear! This is your springtime wakeup call. 3> As for your room keys, sir, this one’s for you, and THIS one’s for the horse you rode in on! 2> No thanks, I’ll carry the trunk myself. 1> … and then it hits me: He’s just a Vegas dork with a microphone and *I’m* a Siberian tiger! [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]

Un tipo desali�ado se dirige

Un tipo desali�ado se dirige a la secretaria del departamento de recursos humanos de una empresa:

“Buenos d�as, se�orita. Vengo por lo del empleo”.

“Muy bien”, responde amable la se�orita y comienza a hacerle una serie de preguntas:

“�Cu�l es su n�mero de afiliaci�n al Seguro Social?”

“No tengo”.

“�Trae su solicitud llena?”

“No, no traigo nada”.

“�Sabe conducir?”

“No”.

“�Sabe manejar una PC?”

“Tampoco”.

“�Ha trabajado antes en alg�n sitio?”, le pregunta ya un poco molesta.

“No, no s� hacer nada”.

“�Entonces a qu� &!”#$% vino?”

“Por lo del anuncio”.

“��Cu�l anuncio?!”, grita exasperada la mujer.

“El que pusieron en el peri�dico: In�til presentarse sin requisitos”.

The Cremation

Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down next
to the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked.

“He was ninety-eight,” she answered softly. “Two years older than I
am.”

“Really?” the undertaker said. “Hardly worth going home, wouldn’t
you say?”