A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get ‘those feelings’ again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear…’Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?’
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There were two nuns who had a bike and to…
There were two nuns who had a bike and to make matters fair they would
split up the amount of days each was aloud to use it.
One day they were fighting, one nun said “It’s my turn to have the bike, not yours”,
and the other one would say, “No it’s not, it’s my turn”.
So the Mother Superior came out after the two had been fighting for a while and
said “If you two don’t stop this fighting, I’m going to put the seat back
on that bike and sell it”
Redneck Family Values
If your a redneck, you would let your 12 year old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kid.
Everything east of the San
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
In any household, junk accumulates
In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.
Your mamas so fat
your mama is so fat when she saw a school bus full of white kids she said ” hey stop that twinkie!!”
Does killing time damage eternity?…
Does killing time damage eternity?
5 minutes
Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to eat and make love in under 5 minutes.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman
Your Momma is so fat…
Your Momma is so fat, she fell in the grand canyon and got stuck!
What are those little bumps around women’s…
What are those little bumps around women’s nipples?
– It’s Braile for “suck here”.
My Momma Told Me Not to
A little boy was playing and his mom told him not to go to far
away from the house. He said OK.
A little girl walked by and said, “would you walk me home?” and
he said, “my momma told me not to and I don’t think I wanna.”
“I’ll give you 5 pieces of bubble gum,” she said. He said OK.
Then she said, “walk me up to my room?” He said, “my momma told
me not to and I don’t think I wanna.” She said, “I’ll give you
10 pieces of bubble gum.” and he said OK.
Then she said, “take off your clothes.” “My momma told me not to
and I don’t think I wanna.” “I’ll give you 15 pieces of bubble
gum and he said OK. He’s now standing there butt-naked.
“Do pushups on me.” “My momma told me not to and I don’t think I
wanna.” “I’ll give you 20 pieces of bubble gum.” OK.
Her mom walks in and says, “get off my daughter!” and he says,
“my momma told me not to and I don’t think I wanna!”
Q: How many Douglas
Q: How many Douglas Wilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: I don’t know, he can’t decide if he is going to screw a lightbulb in or not!