Author: admin

Blonde quickies 201-220

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201. Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician

202. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn’t fit.

203. Q: Why wasn’t the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn’t have been old enough to bear children!

204. Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

205. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it?
A: A thought.

206. Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

207. Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

208. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

209. Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

210. Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

211. Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them

212. Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: “Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?”

213. Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.

214. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

215. Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

216. Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

217. Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

218. Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

219. Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde’s ass?
A: A brain tumor.

220. Q: Why do blonde’s find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don’t have to marry them for sex!

Estaba una mujer haciendo el

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Estaba una mujer haciendo el amor con su amante, cuando de repente llega el marido que estaba de viaje.

“�Pronto, pronto, qu�date parado aqu� como si fueras una estatua!”

En eso entra el marido y le pregunta a la mujer:

“Mujer, �qu� hace este hombre desnudo aqu� en mi habitaci�n?”

“No, querido, est�s equivocado, no es un hombre, es un robot de �ltima generaci�n, hecho para satisfacer sexualmente y, adem�s, altamente computarizado. F�jate en la piel, es igual a la nuestra, todo, inclusive el calor, t�calo, t�calo. �Verdad que est�n llegado a l�mites insospechados en eso de la creaci�n de robots?”

“Est� bien, est� bien, pero prep�rame algo de comer que el viaje este me dej� demasiado hambriento y con deseos de hacer el amor”.

“Pero querido, eso no va a ser posible porque estoy con la menstruaci�n”.

“�Bueno, bueno, est� bien, prep�rame algo de comer!”

En eso, la mujer se va a la cocina y el marido observa cuidadosamente al amante, hasta que decide que si serv�a para la mujer, deber�a servir tambi�n para el hombre; pero cuando se lo va a clavar por la parte trasera, �ste dice con voz rob�tica:

“E-r-r-o-r d-e-l s-i-s-t-e-m-a… Z-o-n-a e-q-u-i-v-o-c-a-d-a”.

Entonces, el marido se dice para si mismo:

“�Bah, si no sirve para m�, lo lanzo por la ventana! �Qu� carajo!”

Pero cuando el esposo lo carga para lanzarlo por la ventana, el amante recuerda que est� en el piso 21, as� que r�pidamente suelta:

“F-a-ll-a r-e-s-u-e-l-t-a… P-r-u-e-b-e o-t-r-a v-e-z”.

The Broken Clock

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Mike’s grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent.
He asks Mike, “Vat sims to be ze problem?”

Mike says, “I’m not sure, but it doesn’t go “tick-tock-tick-tock” anymore.
Now it just goes “tick…tick…tick.”

The old man says, “Mmm-Hm!” and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.

He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face.
Then he says in a menacing voice…
Ve haf vays of making you tock!”

A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan,…

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A rather well proportioned young lady, Joan, spent almost all
of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of the hotel.

She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second,
being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her way up
there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the
stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a
towel over her rear.

“Excuse me, miss,” said the flustered little assistant manager of
the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.

“The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we
would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as
you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make,” Joan asked rather calmly.

“No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed little man.
“You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”

Choice of Lubricants

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Bubba’s old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, “Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!”Bubba got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, “Hold on, son! We ain’t finished yet!” The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, “Hey, Bubba! Hey, you got you a daughter!”Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor says, “Hold on, we still ain’t finished!” The doctor then delivered another boy and said, “Bubba, you just had another boy! But don’t worry, ’cause that’s it!”So, Bubba and his wife went home with the three children. When they got home, they sat down and began talking. Bubba said, “Mama, you remember that night that we ran out of K-Y and we had to use that 3-in-1 Oil?”She said, “Yeah, I do.”Bubba said, “Man, it’s a good thing we didn’t use no WD-40!