Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
Author: admin
Catholic Boy wants a Bicycle
There once was a catholic boy who lived in a neighborhood where
every boy had a bicyle. The boy really wanted a bicycle so he
went to his mother and said, “Mom every boy in our neighborhood
has a bicycle so will you buy me one?” his mother looked at him
and said “John ask your father but I don’t think we have the
money for one.” Son the boy went and asked his father “Dad every
boy in our neighborhood has a bicycle so will you buy me one?”
his dad said “John we don’t have enough money for one right now
ask God.” So the boy went to his room and started writing a
letter to God. Dear God, Every boy in my neighborhood has a bike
and.. No that won’t work he said So he started over. Dear God, I
really need a Bicycle.. no that won’t work.
He sat in is room thinking until finally he got an idea. he went
to his living room and carefully picked up their statue of
mother mary and took it to his room and gently wrapped it in a
sheet and opened his dresser drawer and very gently set the
statue in it and closed the drawer. After that he started
writing “Dear God, If you ever want to see your mother again…”
What is the difference between a cat and a comma
Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the
pause.
Sign on music teachers’ door:
Sign on music teachers’ door: “Out Chopin.” Sign at the electic company: “We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”Sign in beauty shop window: “Dye now!” Sign on a garbage truck: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.” Sign at a computer store: “Out for a quick byte.”
Head and Shoulders
Yo mama’s so stupid, I asked her for the shampoo “Head and
Shoulders,” and she got on my shoulders and gave me head!!
Marriage Secrets…
Secret tips for making a marriage last…
My wife and I have the secrets to making a marriage last…
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good
food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida, mine is in NY.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
“Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!”
So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?”
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down !”
So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well, there was water in the carburetor. When I asked where the car was, she told me “In the lake.”
8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!
9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off…
10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”
The driver said, “No, jump in!”
Twisted Equity
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time. As he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke. One day as the young man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him: ” Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to let you know that the price of pretzels has increased to 35 cents.”
If a man speaks in the forest, and there is…
If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear
him, is he still wrong?
Una adolescente de catorce a�os
Una adolescente de catorce a�os va con su mam� y le dice que desde hace un par de meses no tiene el per�odo.
Preocupad�sima, la mam� compra en la farmacia un test de embarazo y el resultado de la prueba es positivo. Gritos, imprecaciones, lamentos, l�grimas…
Que qui�n ha sido el cerdo, que quiero saberlo, que ahora se lo dices a tu padre, etc., etc.
La chica, una vez a solas, toma el tel�fono y hace una llamada. Media hora despu�s se detiene ante la casa una Ferrari �ltimo modelo, de la que sale un tipo maduro y distinguido, de pelo entrecano, vestido impecablemente con un elegante traje que se adivina car�simo. Toma asiento en el sal�n ante el padre, la madre y la hija y dice:
“Buenos d�as. Vuestra hija me ha informado del problema. Sin embargo, yo no puedo casarme con ella porque tengo otra situaci�n familiar, aunque me har� cargo. Si nace una ni�a, le puedo legar 3 tiendas, 2 apartamentos, una villa en el mar y una cuenta de $ 500 mil d�lares. Si nace un ni�o, el legado ser� un par de f�bricas, adem�s de los $ 500 mil. Y si nacen gemelos, una f�brica y $ 250 mil us para cada uno. En cambio, si pierde el embarazo…”
En este punto el padre, que hab�a permanecido callado todo el tiempo, se levanta, le apoya una mano en el hombro y le dice:
“�Te la echas de nuevo!”
White House interns
How many White House interns does it take to satisfy Clinton?
Nobody knows, he has never been satisfied.
Una pareja muy moderna de
Una pareja muy moderna de recien casados, decidi� dormir en habitaciones separadas para no tener que soportar el mal aliento por las ma�anas. Un amigo de la pareja le pregunta a la mujer:
“Oye, Mar�a, y cuando Paco tiene ganas de sexo, �qu� hace?”
“Pues, sale al pasillo y silba.”
“Oye, y si eres t� la que tiene ganas, �qu� haces?”
“Pues salgo al pasillo y pregunto: �PACOOOO! �has silbado?
Q&A
Q: What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead Republican in the road?
A: Vultures will eat the skunk.