Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?A: To get away from the bassoon recital.
Author: admin
Researching this insect
A prominent Polish scientist conducted very important experiment. He trained a flea to jump upon giving her a verbal command (“Jump!”).In a first stage of experiment he removed flea’s leg, told her to jump, and the flea jumped. So he wrote in his scientific notebook: “Upon removing one leg all flea organs function properly.”So, he removed the second leg, asked the flea to jump, she obeyed, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the second leg all flea organs function properly.”Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: “Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly.”Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the leg less flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: “Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing”
Indian To Rescue
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, “Yahoo!” and rode off.”What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant.”Nothing,” shrugged the woman, “I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.””Lady” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback…
Movie dog
A man follows a woman out of a movie theater. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says:
“I�m sorry to bother you, but I couldn�t help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don�t you find that unusual?” “Yes,” she replied, “I find it very unusual… He hated the book!”
Dogs vs. Cats
A dog thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me.
They must be Gods!”
A cat thinks, “Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me
with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must be a
God!”
Top 15 Euphemisms for Penis Enlargement Surgery
15. Genetational pinocchiotomy.
14. Doubling the interest rate on your mutual fun.
13. Peter padding.
12. Plumping the ball park frank.
11. Putting the archbishop on the rack.
10. Puffin’ the magic dragon.
9. Supersizing Big Mac.
8. Adding a wing to the sexual addiction clinic.
7. Putting the munchkin on stilts.
6. Trading in the escort for a stretch limo.
5. Getting a Magic Johnson.
4. Preparing to boldly go where no manhood has gone before.
3. Turning crouching tiger into hidden dragon.
2. Upgrading passenger Johnson to first class.
1. Taking the train from Vienna to Frankfurt.
Yo’ mama’s so fat…
Yo’ mama’s so fat when she get’s out of bed in New York she sets off the seismographs in California.
What’s wrong
What’s wrong with Lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and nobody else thinks they’re jokes.
Women’s 45 Rules for Men
1. Call
2. Don’t lie.
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.
4. If guys’ night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5. The correct answer to “Do I look fat?” is never, ever “Yes.”
6. Ditto for “Is she prettier than me?”
7. Victoria’s secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
10. “Honey,” “Darling,” and “Sweetheart,” are good. “Nag,” “Lardass,” and “Bitch,” are bad.
11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
14. Her cooking is excellent.
15. That isn’t an excuse for you to avoid coocking.
16. Dish soap is your friend.
17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
19. Answering “Who was on the phone?” with “Nobody” is never going to end that conversation.
20. Ditto for “Whose lipstick is this?”
21. Two words: clean socks.
22. Believe it or not, you’re probably not more attractive when you’re all sweaty.
23. Burping is not sexy.
24. You’re wrong.
25. You’re sorry.
26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think.
27. Ditto for you discourse on football.
28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
29. “Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together” is bad.
30. Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
31. Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm.
34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
35. Pick her up at the airport. Don’t whine about it, just do it.
36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don’t act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
37. Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.
41. Remember Valentine’s Day, and any cheesy “anniversary” she so names.
42. Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
43. Her haircut is never bad.
44. Don’t let your friends pick on her.
45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn’t fair either, and it balances everything.
Doorknob
You’re just like a doorknob, everyone gets a turn.
Nun, Priest and a Camel
A Nun and a priest were crossing the desert on a camel. On the
third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed
their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest
spoke. “Well sister this looks pretty grim.” “I know father.”
The nun answered, “In fact,” said the priest, “I don’t think it
will be likely that we can survive more than a day or two” “I
agree.” said the nun. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it
out of here alive would you do something for me?” “Anything
father.” “I’ve never seen a women’s breast before, would you
show me yours?” “Well under the circumstances I don’t see it
being a problem.”
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her
shapely breast. “Father, could I ask something of you?” “Yes
sister,” “I have never seen a man’s penis, could I see yours?”
“I supposed that would be OK,” the priest replied and lifted his
robe. “Oh father may I touch it?” This the priest allowed and
soon sported a huge erection. “Sister, you know if I put this in
the right place it can give life?” “Is that true father?” “Yes
it is sister.” “Then stick it up the camels arse, and lets get
the fuck out of here….”
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, “I don’t understand any of this. I’ve been to every lecture all semester long! What’s the deal? And who are you? Where’s the regular guy?”