Author: admin

Do you know why the British ships came back from the Falkland Islands
full of sheep?

War brides.

A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It is one of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world.

That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him.

The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of car ya’ got there, sonny?”

The young man replies, “A 1997 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me $100,000.”

“That’s a lot of money,” replies the old man. “Why do they cost so much?”

“Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!” states the young man proudly.

The mo-ped driver asks, “Can I take a look inside?”

“Sure,” replies the owner.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right!”

Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!

“What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?” the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the mo-ped!

“Couldn’t be,” thinks the guy. “How could a mo-ped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?”

Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurting for certain.

He runs up to the old man and says, “You’re hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?”

The old man groans and replies, “Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please.”

Dave, John and Sam were involved in a horrific car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven, Saint Peter came up to them and said, ‘You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds and will have your transport chosen accordingly’Saint Peter looked at Dave. ‘You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times. For this you will drive around heaven in an old, beat-up Skoda.’Next Saint Peter looked at John. ‘You were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this you will forever travel through heaven in a Lada station wagon.’Saint Peter finally looked at Sam. ‘You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex before marriage and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari.’A short time later, John and Dave pulled their cars next to Sam’s Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the bonnet, head in hands, crying.’What’s wrong Sam?’ they asked. ‘You got the Ferrari. You’re set forever. Why so down?’Sam looked up ever so slowly, opened his mouth and cried, ‘I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard.’