Author: admin

Heartburn, eh?

Posted on by admin

A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, “Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.”

The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks in one gulp.

“Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy”, again the bartender brought her a Martini.

By this time the lady is leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”

Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, “Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn, your tit is hanging in the ashtray.”

Dumb Bush Baby Should Get Fired

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(instrumental intro)
He sold us sh*t that was untrue.
The polls now say he is a liar.
With no cause, he used a ruse.
World, Bush has earned its ire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
This time, investigate; he’s through.
His reign of error should expire.
Tyrant whom we didn’t choose.
Made Iraq part of his oil empire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get… fired!
(long instrumental break)
This time, investigate; he’s through.
His reign of error should expire.
Tyrant whom we didn’t choose.
Made Iraq part of his oil empire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get… fired!
He sold us sh*t that was untrue.
The polls now say he is a liar.
With no cause, he used a ruse.
World, Bush has earned its ire.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Dumb Bush Baby should get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.
Bush and Neo-Right get fired.

Through The Desert On A Man With No Ears

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A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he
suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However,
he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased
a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business
knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the
business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The
last question of the interview was always the same.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
“Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did
you know?”
“You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”

Irish DUI

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Late one Friday in Dublin, a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. ”Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called ‘Happy Hour’ and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o’ those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o’ course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness — couldn’t be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later…” And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, ”Sir, I’m afraid I’ll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.” ”Why? Don’t ye believe me?”