Me !

Tired of the boring “straights” she’d been laying, a girl decided she’d find out if bikers were really the heavy “cocksmen” that she heard they were.

So she picked up a gigantic biker and went with him up to his pad.

Stripped and ready, anxiously awaiting some real action, she was astonished to see that his fully erect dick was only two inches long.

“Who,” she demanded scornfully, “do you think you’re going to satisfy with that?”

Grinning confidently, the biker replied, “Me!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

Why you shouldn'

A man had called a local paint company and asked if they had anyone who could come over and do some painting that day. The company sent a blonde right over to do the job. The man meet the woman at the front door and asked her how much she would charge him to paint his porch. She stated that she would charge him 25$. He thought to himself “what a deal” since his porch was a long wrap around. The blonde also added that she would be done by the end of the day. The man thought to himself, “this is too good to be true!” and left for work for the day. When he arrived home he noticed that his porch didn’t even have a drop of paint on it. He went around the back and shrieked in horror as he seen the blonde putting the last bit of green paint on his new firebird.”what did you do to my firebird!” shrieked the man.”….Firebird?” questioned the blonde.”…and all this time I thought it was the porsche”

BUSH CAN’T PUT PUZZLE TOGETHER

Cheney gets a call from his “boss”, George. “I’ve got a problem,” says George.

“What’s the matter?” asks Cheney.
“Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office, so, I got a jigsaw puzzle,
but it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can’t find any edges.”

“What’s it a picture of?” asks Cheney.
“A big rooster,” replies George.
“All right,” sighs Cheney, “I’ll come over and have a look.” So he leaves his
office and heads over to the Oval Office. George points at the jigsaw on his
desk. Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to George and says, “For crying
out loud, Georgie – put the corn flakes back in the box.”

Intersection

country boy went to new york to visit his uncle he decided to go for a walk one day on his own in the process he became lost and confused he went to the telephone booth on the street corner called his uncle told him that he was lost his uncle replied look out the telephone booth and give me the name of the intersection that you are calling from and i will come right down and pick you up the country boy go to the intersection and look and his response to his uncle was i am at the corner of walk and dont walk.

Too good to be true?

An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.”I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.” The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.”The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!””That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.””That’s kind of what I’m getting at,” replied the doctor.

Lawyers Grave

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother.

On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”

On sale now!

A man went into a store and began looking around.

He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them.

He asked the sales person “How much are the washer and dryer?”

“Five dollars for both of them,” the salesman said.

“Yeah right, you’ve got to be kidding me!” the man replied sarcastically.

“No, that’s the price,” the salesman said, “do you want to buy them or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll take them!” the customer responded.

He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers.

“How much?” he asked.

“Five dollars for the system,” the salesman answered.

“Is it stolen?” the guy asks.

“No,” said the salesman, “It’s brand new, do you want it or not?”

“Sure,” the customer replied. He looked around some more.

Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. “How much?”

“Five dollars,” was the familiar response.

“I’ll take that too!” the man said.

As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him, “Why are your prices so cheap?”

The salesman said, “Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife. What he’s doing to her, I’m doing to his business!”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis