how do you make a dog drink?
put it in a blender
Author: admin
Worries about mad cow disease
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.”The other cow replies, “I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us ducks.”
Wrong finger
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing
your wedding ring on the wrong finger?”
The other woman replied, “Yes, I
married the wrong man.”
Amal and Juan Separated at birth
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ”Amal.” The other goes to a family inSpain; they name him ”Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ”But they are twins-if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”
Bin ladden
your dads so stupid he watched the news and said god bin ladden a rapist now
The 3 Priests (classic)
There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window…
“Young lady,” he began, “I would like three pickets to titsburg.” Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.
The second priest approached…
“Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh,” he began, “and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.” He turns red and runs away.
Then came the third…
“Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say,” he continued, “if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates –
St. Finger’s going to shake his peter at you!”
Words Of Advice
There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. “He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.”
She continued, “He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.�
Then the grandmother said, “But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.
She said, “Grandmother, I didn’t let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family.”
Q: How many gypsies
Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.Note: None because gypsies don’t have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)
youre moam is so fat when i was in bed with…
youre moam is so fat when i was in bed with her when i roled over i was still on top of her
Whats?
whats six inches deep in a males poket that a woman likes to blow? money.
Changing Men and Women
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
The Groom
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began “I can
explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to
let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But officer, I just wanted to say…” “I said to keep quiet!
You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked n on his prisoner and said,
“Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll
be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don’t count on it,”
answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”