Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. “There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again.”
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Your Momma
Your Momma is so fat, when she stood on the scales it said to be continued.
Any improbable event which would
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.
A Verb.
One day a teacher told her english class to name a verb. One stood up and said “Masterbate.”
En una litera de tren,
En una litera de tren, en la cama de arriba, se oye:
“�Ah, Manolo, c�meme la lechugita! �Oh, oh!”
“Pili, c�meme el nabito. �S�! �Oh! �S�!”
Al cabo de un rato se oye desde abajo:
“A ver, los de la ensalada de arriba. �Joder, qu� se os est� cayendo la mayonesa!”
Q. What’s the
Q. What’s the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A. One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Llega un matrimonio que reci�n
Llega un matrimonio que reci�n se sacaron la loter�a a un convivio de ricos de alcurnia. Toman Champag�e y en eso a la nueva rica le dan ganas de ir al ba�o y se expresa:
“Permiso, voy a mear.”
El esposo le rega�a y le dice que se exprese as�:
“Permiso voy al ba�o a desalojar los l�quidos que inger�.”
Al rato se repite la acci�n y la se�ora dice:
“Permiso, voy al ba�o a desalojar los l�quidos que inger�…”
Y despu�s de unos segundos agrega:
“Y si me tardo pue’que cague…”
You got your tater gun
You got your tater gun hangin’ over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece.You’ve ever entered yourself in a “Howdy Doody Look-alike” Contest.Your lips move while reading a stop sign.
Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com
Naming the Twins
A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you.”The husband was thinking to himself, “Oh no, what has he done now?”and asked with some trepidation, “Well, bro, what did you name them?”Whereupon, his brother replied, “I named the little girl Denise.”The husband, relieved, said, “That’s a lovely name! And what did you come up with for my son?”The brother winked and replied, “Denephew.”
Jokes
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
The Drunk and the Nun
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really ,really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.
As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.
This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn’t move very much.
So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said……..
“Not very freakin’ strong tonight, are you Batman!”
God vs. Green Bay
Brett Favre, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God
was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Packers flag in the window.
“This house is yours for eternity, Brett,” said God. “This is very
special; not everyone gets a house up here.”
Brett felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story
mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an
enormous Steelers logo flag, and in every window, a terrible towel.
Brett looked at God and said “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won the Super Bowl, and I even
went to the hall of fame.”
God said “so what do you want to know, Brett?”
“Well, why does Kordell Stewart get a better house than me?”
God chuckled and said, “Brett, that’s not Kordell Stewart’s house, it’s
mine.”