Q. Why do women have arms?
A. Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
Author: admin
Cornflakes
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they’re simple, easy and they taste good.
Southern Gal/Northern Gal
A gal from the South and a gal from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The gal from the South, being friendly and all, said:”So, where ya’ll from?”The Northern gal said, ”From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”The gal from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: ”So, where ya’ll from, bitch?”
BUTTITCHES
there once was a little boy named butittches he went to school
for the first time and his teacher asked him what his name was
and he said butittches! his teacher said if you dont tell me
your real name i will send you to the principal and he still
said butittches!! so his teacher sent him to the principal.
The principal asked him what his name was and he said
butittches!! so the principal said if you dont tell me your real
name i am going to send you to the fife department and he still
said butittches!!so the principal sent him to the fire
department!!
At the fire department the fireman asked him what his name was
and he said butitches!!! so the fireman said if you dont tell me
your real name i will send you to the police!! and the boy STILL
said butitches!!so the fire department sent him to the police!!
Then at the police station the policman said tell me your name
and the boy said butitches!! so the policeman said tell me your
real name or i will shoot you and so the little boy said
buttitches and so the policeman shot him!!
Everyone went to the boys funeral and when everyone said their
last words and he was lowered into his grave his mother said “oh
my poor little buttitches!!” and everyone said, ” WELL THEN
SCRATCH IT!!!!!”
Pirates in bar
So, there are these two pirates talking in this bar. One’s got a wooden leg and a hook and even a patch too. The other one’s just got the pirate clothes. So the second pirate says to the first, “how’d ya get that wooden leg mate?”.
The first reply�s “arrr, it done got bit off bye a varmint shark.”
The second pirate is of course impressed, “aye, dat’s really a pirate ting to have happen. How’d ya get dat metal ‘hook?”
The first reply�s “lost err in a sword fight, bastard cut off me bloody hand!”.
“Aye, dat’s really a pirate ting to have happen” says the second pirate, again impressed.
“How’d ya get dat patch on your eye?”.
“Well I was up in the crow’s nest eh, and I looked up to spy this seagull” says the pirate’s pirate, “and the damn ting shit right in me eye”. In disbelief the second pirate says
“Well, how’d dat make ya blind?”
The first pirate replied: “Arr…first day wit me ‘ook.”
Lottery winner
Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Power Ball Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Lightbulbs?
How many people does it take to change a light bulb in:
…California?
Only 1, but it doesn’t matter. They don’t have electricity.
…Oklahoma?
Zero. What the heck is a light bulb?
…Ontario?
Only 1. It’s not just a light source, it’s HEAT.
…Austin?
None.They haven’t seen the light in many years and are not looking to see it any time soon.
…Las Vegas?
Hundreds. Have you seen the strips out there? That is a full time job just keeping the lights burning.
Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
A quote on marriage
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo…
Yo momma so so fat!
Yo momma is so fat that when she wore high-heels, she struck oil!
Cierto d�a, un borracho consuetudinario
Cierto d�a, un borracho consuetudinario regresa de una fiesta de pueblo, de esas que demoran casi una semana. Como no tra�a ni un solo peso en el bolsillo, decide caminar hasta su casa. A medio camino le dan ganas de orinar, as� que saca su miembro y empieza a mear; al mirar hacia abajo, ve que hay un hormiguero y dirige el chorro hacia el agujero. De pronto, �zas!, se aparece un genio diciendo:
“�Amo, por haberme sacado del hoyo tienes derecho a un deseo!”
“�Un deseo, el que yo quiera? �Hummm, ya s�, quiero orinar whisky Old Parr!”
“�Tu deseo ser� concedido!”
Y desaparece.
Al cabo de un rato, el tipo orina sobre su mano que utiliza como recept�culo y prueba el l�quido.
“�Guau, orin� Old Parr, esto hay que festejarlo!”
Llega a su casa corriendo:
“�Mi amor, mi amor, te tengo una buena noticia: orino Old Parr!”
La esposa prueba de la mano del borracho y exclama:
“�Es cierto, esto hay que festejarlo, voy a buscar dos vasos!”
“Mi amor, mi amor, trae un solo vaso, porque lo eres t� te lo metes a pico de botella”.
BUSH AND CHENEY MAKE BET
George Bush and Dick Cheney are watching the 6 o’clock news on TV one
evening. Cheney bets Bush $50 that the man in the lead story, who is threatening
to jump from a 40 story building, will jump.
“I’ll take that bet,” Bush replied. A few minutes later, the newscaster
breaks in to report that the man had, indeed, jumped from the building. Cheney,
feeling sudden guilt for having bet on such an incident, turns to Bush and tells
him that he does not need to pay the $50.
“No, a bet’s a bet,” Bush replied, “I owe you $50 dollars.”
Cheney, feeling even more guilty, replied, “No, you don’t understand, I
saw the 3:00 edition, so I knew how it was going to turn out.”
“That’s okay,” said Bush, “I saw it earlier too, but I didn’t think he’d
do it again.”