YOUR MAMMA IS SO FAT WHEN SHE FELL IN LOVE SHE BROKE IT
Author: admin
Three legged Donkey
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey!
Irish coffee
why do irish people keep empty milk bottles in their fridges ?
just incase someone asks for a black coffee !!
Humps-24-7-Dog
“What do you call a dog that humps you 24-7″A rout around the week dog
Rubber on the end…
A husband and a wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives, they find that it is overloaded and only the wife and nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk and says to him, “Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that sound is driving me nuts!”
The blind man replies, “If you would’ve put rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!”
You Know You’re a Redneck When…
– You wet the bed and ten people immediately know about it.
– You mow the lawn to find a truck.
– Your house moves more than your truck.
– Your grandmother has ammo and guns on her Christmas list.
– Your 1 year old has more teeth than any of your family members.
– Your car has more rust and holes than paint.
– The dog has a higher I.Q. than you.
– Any of your kids has been born on a pool table.
– Your salary comes from the offering plate.
– You think rich people work at McDonalds.
– Your clothes come from dollar general and big lots.
– Your dog closes his eyes when he sees what you’re eating.
– You have been divorced and remarried several times, but you.
– Still have the same in-laws.
– Your prom had a daycare.
– You’re considered an honor student because you finished the
fifth grade.
– You take a six pack cooler to church.
– The jack’o’lantern on your front porch has more teeth than you.
– You know more than one person named “Darryl.”
Goebel’s Observation On Utopia:
Goebel’s Observation On Utopia: If everyone believed in Peace, they would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
Men are like…..coolers
Men are like…..Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Fallen
There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!” Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “you have to do something about the sidewalks in town.When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.” The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week.”
The Competition
The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them all a
test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and has each of them try and
catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive
investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exsist.
The FBI now goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest,
killing everything in it including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
Then the LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten
racoon. The racoon is yelling, “Okay, Okay!!! Im a rabbit, Im a rabbit!”
Fit and healthy
An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.
“That’s right,” said the old man. “Ninety-nine years old, and I haven’t an enemy in the world. They’re all dead.”
“Well, sir,” said the interviewer, “I hope very much to have the honor of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.”
The old man looked at the young man closely, and said, “I can’t see why you shouldn’t. You look fit and healthy to me!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman
Cockroaches
I’m convinced my cockroaches have military training…
I set off a roach bomb… they diffused it!
-Jay London