A father said to his son, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was
studying books by the light of the fireplace.”
The son replied, “When Lincoln was your age, he was President.”
Author: admin
Hot Buttered Corn
Two men were walking in a forrest one day when they came upon a
farm house. They knocked on the door and the farmer came up.
“Can we stay here tonight, sir? We are tired and hungary and
need some place to sleep.” The farmer replied, “If you want to
stay here, you must have sex with my daughter.” And a fat
18-year old daughter walks down the stairs. One man replied,
“Na, I’d rather stay out here in the snow and cold.” The other
man said, “Yeah, I guess I’ll do it.”
After a well-cooked and hardy meal, he put a ear of corn in his
pocket. The farmer said to him, “Now you must go up and have sex
with my daughter.” He walked in the bedroom and saw the farmer’s
daughter laying on the bed naked. “Do you mind if I blindfold
you? It’s a lot more fun!” he said. “Sure!” she exclaimed. So he
blindfolded her, took out the corn, and used the corn in place
of his dick. When he was done and she was satisfied, he threw
the corn out the window. That night he slept the best he had
slept in a long time. He came downstairs, thanked the farmer,
and walked out the door. The other man ran up to him with the
empty ear of corn and exclaimed, “Thank you so much! If it
wasn’t for that hot-buttered corn I wouldn’t have survived!”
Q: How many preservation
Q: How many preservation society members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: One, but it takes a year to find an antique Edison light bulb so it’ll be architecturally accurate.
Cinderella and Soccer
Why did Cinderella’s soccer team never win?
Because her coach was a pumpkin!
Knock KnockWho’s there?Montana!Montana who?Montana your
Knock KnockWho’s there?Montana!Montana who?Montana your hide if she finds out you ate all of the cookies!
Best Thing About Iowa
What is the best thing coming out of Iowa?
Interstate 35!
Cowsay
Jimmy: did you hear about man on a motor bike who ran into a cowsay?
Bob: what is a cowsay?
Jimmy: Moooooooooo
Cuatro amigos de la universidad
Cuatro amigos de la universidad se fueron a parrandear fuera de la ciudad el fin de semana antes de los ex�menes finales. Despu�s de tanta fiesta, durmieron todo el domingo y regresaron a la ciudad el lunes por la ma�ana. No entraron al examen final y en cambio por la tarde buscaron al profesor y le explicaron su ausencia:
“Lo que pas� es que nos fuimos de viaje el fin de semana y plane�bamos estar de regreso el domingo para estudiar. Pero, desafortunadamente, se nos pinch� una llanta cuando ven�amos de regreso. Como no ten�amos herramientas y nadie nos quiso ayudar, perdimos el examen.”
El profesor lo pens� y acord� hacerles el examen final al d�a siguiente. Felices, los cuatro amigos estudiaron toda la noche y llegaron al d�a siguiente a hacer el examen. El profesor los puso en salones separados y les reparti� a cada uno el cuestionario.
El primer problema val�a 5 puntos y era muy f�cil, sobre la historia del mercadeo.
Los cuatro amigos respondieron r�pidamente, cada uno en su sal�n separado, pensando “Esto va a estar muy f�cil”.
Cuando terminaron el problema, voltearon la p�gina para leer el segundo problema, que dec�a:
“Por 95 puntos, �cu�l llanta fue la que se les pinch�?”
Crazy With Franky
A man went to a plastic surgeon to get work done on his penis. The doctor, curious, asked what had happened to it. “Well,” the patient said, “I live in a trailer court. A gorgeous buxom creature lives in the trailer next to mine. I used to peek into her trailer and I saw that she had a habit. Each afternoon she’d take a frankfurter from her refrigerator and put it in a hole on her trailer floor. Then she’d sit on it and have a ball.””She nearly drove me crazy. So I got a bright idea. One day I got under her trailer and when she slid the frankfurter into the hole, I slid it out and slipped my penis up through the hole.” “She sat down on it and everything was great until there was a knock at the door.””And then?” said the doctor. “Aw hell,” the patient explained.”That’s when she tried to kick it under the stove.”
Revenge on your aunts
at every wedding i goto all my aunts poke me in the ribs and say “YOUR NEXT””. so whenever i gotto there funiral i poke them in the ribs and say “” YOUR NEXT””
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7 Goals for Management
Have management treat me better. Alienate at least five new groups this year. Pamper my colon: Eat more fiber! Quit squeezing pimples, especially other people’s. Stop doing so many of those lame Top 7 lists. Gain 20 pounds and keep smoking.Create task force to evaluate the efficaciousness of the strategic planning and definition in a synergistic manner of the seventh goal for this list.
Grandpa’s Safe Sex
A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, “Grandpa, they didn’t have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?”
Grandpa replies, “Nope.” Teen says, “Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?” Grandpa replies, “A wedding ring.”