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Llega un paciente con el m�dico familiar:
“Doctor, f�jese que siento un aire que, del est�mago, se me sube al pecho y cada vez es m�s constante”.
“No se preocupe, usted lo que tiene es el mal del pedo retorcido, que est� buscando por donde salir, y como usted tiene cara de culo, por eso se confunde”.
Knock, Knock.
Who is it?
Do,
Do who?
Do me baby
Titanic Video: $9.99 on Internet.
Clinton Video: $9.99 on Internet.
Titanic Video: Over 3 hours long.
Clinton Video: Over 3 hours long.
Titanic Video: The story of Jack and Rose, they�re forbidden love, and a
subsequent catastrophy.
Clinton Video: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and a
subsequent catastrophy.
Titanic Video: Celine Dion sings “My Heart Will Go On”.
Clinton Video: Bill Clinton thinks “My Hard Will Go On”.
Titanic Video: Villain is White Star Cruise Line.
Clinton Video: Villain is Ken Starr.
Titanic Video: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton Video: Bill is a B.S. artist.
Titanic Video: In one part, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton Video: In one part, Bill enjoys a good cigar.
Titanic Video: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined.
Clinton Video: During the ordeal, Monica’s dress gets ruined.
Titanic Video: Rose undresses and exposes her breasts.
Clinton Video: Monica undresses and exposes her breasts.
Titanic Video: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton Video: Bill… never mind.
Titanic Video: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton Video: Monica forced to return her gifts.
Titanic Video: Not enough lifeboats.
Clinton Video: Not enough lifeboats.
Titanic Aftermath: Leonardo DiCaprio is wildly popular.
Clinton Aftermath: Bill Clinton is wildly popular.
Titanic Finale: Jack meets an icy death.
Clinton Finale: Bill goes home to Hillary.
Llega un madrile�o a C�diz y le pregunta a un t�o que va por la calle:
“�Sabe d�nde hay una papeler�a?”
“Aqu� en la esquina hay una pero le aconsejo que no vaya”.
“�Por qu�?”, pregunta intrigado el viajero.
“Porque la dependienta es muy pesada; pero tiene otra dos calles m�s abajo”.
El de Madrid se lo piensa y dice:
“Para que voy a ir a la otra que est� m�s lejos teniendo �sta m�s cerca”.
Entra en la papeler�a y se dirige a la dependienta:
“Se�ora, deme un bloc”.
“�Lo quiere Ud. de muelle o de anillas?”
“Me da igual: yo quiero un bloc”.
“�Lo quiere cuadriculado o de rayas?”
“Me da igual: deme un bloc cualquiera”.
“�Lo quiere con las pastas rosa o azul; seg�n sea para ni�o o ni�a?”
En eso, entra un tipo con un excusado a cuestas dirigi�ndose a la dependienta:
“El culo se lo ense�e ayer; el excusado donde cago es �ste y el papel que quiero es aqu�l”.
12 Tips From Workforce to Managers
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2.If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s going. That helps.
3.Always leave without telling anyone where you’re going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and this is good training.
5. If you give me more that one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. Beside, having no life will help prepare me for making partner.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
8. If you don’t like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don’t write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10.Never introduce me to the people you’re with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deduction powers will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I’m doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. None of us have any and it’s nice to know someone is less fortunate.
A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the Boss standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand.”Listen,” said the Boss, “this is important, and my secretary has left already. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.”Excellent, excellent!” said the Boss as his paper disappeared inside the machine.”I just need one copy.”
One night Jerry brought home a dozen red roses to his wife.
“How lovely, dear,” she said. “What’s the occasion?”
“I want to make love to you,” he said simply.
“Not tonight, dear. I have a headache,” answered his wife.
The next night Jerry came home with a big box of chocolates and explained that he wanted to make love with her.
“I’m awfully tired, honey,” said his wife. “Not tonight.”
Every night for a week Jerry brought home something, but each time his wife’s answer was no.
Finally he came home with six black kittens with little red bows around their necks and handed them to his wife.
“How adorable, Jerry!” she exclaimed. “But what are they for?”
The husband replied, “These are six little pallbearers for your dead pussy.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
William Bennett recalls when one of his “radical students” at Boston University announced that he and his girlfriend were getting married for “as long as we feel good about each other.”
It seemed rather temporary to Dr. Bennett, so for a wedding present, he says, “I gave them paper plates.”
What does a woman and KFC have in common?
After you are done eating the breasts, legs, and thighs, all you are left with is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow your nose!
osama bin laden decided 2 go 2 a fortune-teller.so he entered
the room and asked nervously”when will i die?”the women replied
with”you will die on an american holidy.”osama says,”which
holiday would that be?”the woman said,”it doesnt
matter….whenever you die it will be an american holiday
what do u do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
pull the pin and throw it back