What do Monica Lewinsky and a Coke Machine have in common?
They both have a sign that says, “Insert Bill here, face up.”
Author: admin
Playing poker
A 12 year old boy comes home from school and walks into his parents’ room.
Mom and dad are in bed making love.
The boy asks, “What are you doing?”
His dad replies, “Playing poker. Now get out of here.”
He goes to his older sister’s room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed making love.
The boy asks, “What are you doing?”
His sister replies, “Playing poker. Now get out of here.”
He goes to his older brother’s room and finds his brother masturbating.
He asks his brother, “What are you doing?”
His brother replies, “Playing poker.”
The boy asks, “I thought that it takes two to play poker.”
His brother replies, “Not if you have a good hand.”
Submitted by ���rt��
Edited by yisman
Toilet Paper Named
An Indian girl walked into a general store and asked the clerk for some toilet paper. So the clerk says, “Well, we have two brands of toilet paper: Toilet Paper Royal and the generic kind which doesn’t have a name.”So the Indian girl asks, “What’s the difference?”, to which the clerk replies, “The generic brand is cheaper.” So the Indian girl buys the generic brand and walks home. The next day she walks into the store with the roll of toilet paper and says, “I have found a name for this toilet paper.” Curious the clerk says, “Well what is it?” The girl replies, “John Wayne, because it’s rough and it’s tough and it don’t take no crap from Indians.”
What happened to Monica Lewinski this morning?
Q: Did you hear what happened to Monica Lewinski this morning?
A: She coughed up some new evidence.
Iceberg
Q: What kind of lettuce was served on the Titanic?
A: Iceberg.
A nun? Drinking!
Sister mary katherine lived in a convent, a block away from jack’s liquor
store. one day, in walked sister mary katherine and she said, “oh jack, give me
a pint o’ the brandy.”
“sister mary katherine,” exclaimed jack, “i could never do that! i’ve never
sold alcohol to a nun in my life!”
“oh jack,” she responded, “it’s only for the mother superior.” her voice
dropped. “it helps her constipation, you know.”
so, jack sold her the brandy. later that night jack closed the store and
walked home. as he passed the convent, whom should he see but sister mary
katherine; and she was snookered. she was singing and dancing, whirling around
and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. a crowd was
gathering, so jack pushed through and exclaimed, “sister mary katherine! for
shame! you told me this was for the mother superior’s constipation!”
sister mary katherine didn’t miss a beat as she replied: “and so it is, me
lad, so it is. when she sees me, she’s going to s***!”
Baytown
There was a family who moved to a place called baytown. there was a dad, a
mom, and a young boy. the first day they are there he comes back from town and
says mommy what does food mean. then the mom says food means s***. the next day
he comes back from town and says mommy what does clothes mean. and the mom says
clothes means f***. the third days he come back and says mommy what does priest
mean. the mom says a priest means bitch. a few days later the mom and dad say
were have a priest over for dinner, so be nice. the priest rings the doorbell
later that night and the mom and dad are up stairs in their bedroom changing,
the food is on the table, and the kid opens the door and says, hey bitch, threes
s*** on the table, and my mom and dad are up stairs f******.
Best Decision
Many years after Bill Clinton had been President of the United States a famous biographer was going to write Bill’s life story.
During the course of his interview he asked Bill, “What was your best and your worst decision during the Presidency”.
Bill rolled his eyes back in deep thought and then said, “Monica Lewinski! I’d have to say Monica was my best and my worst decision”.
“How could that be, Bill?”, asked the surprised biographer.
Bill smiled and then shook his head, “I’d have to say she was both my best and my worst decision for the same reason.”
“That’s odd. What was the reason for that?”, said the biographer.
Bill squirmed in his chair and answered, “Monica had a big mouth.”
Un padre que se hallaba
Un padre que se hallaba paseando con su hijito de 8 a�os, cogidos de la mano, por los alrededores de una casa de campo y en eso, que el ni�o se percata de la presencia de un burro que estaba pastando por all� el cual, estaba totalmente empalmado, con su pene totalmente tieso y que le llegaba al suelo. El chaval asombrado le dice al padre:
“�Mira pap�, ese animal tiene un palo muy grande debajo de la barriga!, �qu� es lo que le ocurre?”
El padre ruborizado y balbuceando le contesta:
Eso no es nada mi ni�o. Eso es que el pobre animal est� enfermo. Cuando ellos se ponen malitos, les crece eso debajo de la barriguita.”
Al d�a siguiente, se hallaba el ni�o paseando por el mismo sitio, pero esta vez iba solo con la madre y se percata de la presencia del mismo burro, el cual seguia con el pene totalmente tieso y el ni�o suelta una exclamaci�n:
“�Mira mam�, mira ese burrito con ese palo debajo de la barriguita!, eso es porque est� malito y le sale eso as�.”
La madre totalmente asombrada le pregunta:
“�Pero a t�, quien te ha dicho que ese animal est� malito por ponerse de esa manera, hijo mio?”
El ni�o muy seguro, le contesta:
“Pap� me lo dijo ayer.”
La madre soltando una sonrisa sarc�stica le dice:
“Ah, conque fue tu padre; pues ya le gustar�a a tu padre tener la mitad de salud que tiene ese burro.”
Uno de los locos del
Uno de los locos del manicomio sale del ba�o corriendo y gritando desesperado:
“�Ll�venme donde el director que he descubierto mi problema”
Ante tanto alboroto, uno de los m�dicos lo lleva donde el director.
“�Qu� es lo que pasa?”
“Doctor, f�jese que ya s� lo que me pasa y, tal como se lo hab�a dicho, �no estoy loco!”
“A ver, d�game, entonces �qu� es lo tiene?”
El loco, baj�ndose r�pidamente los pantalones, se mete el dedo medio por el ano; lo saca y, sin darle tiempo a nadie de reaccionar, se lo pasa por la nariz al doctor, al mismo tiempo que le grita:
“Ya ve doctor, no estoy loco: �Yo lo que estoy es podrido!”
A man walks into a bar…
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, �Hi there, how�s it going tonight?�
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, �I�ll screw anybody any time, anywhere, any place� it doesn�t matter to me.�
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, �No kidding? What law firm do you work for?�
Washington
Q: What’s the newest game in Washington?
A: Swallow the leader.