You don’t think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
Author: admin
In Admire, Kansas:…
In Admire, Kansas:
“Admire Interchange”
Wow, that’s some interchange!
Body Language
A young couple left the sex therapist’s office determined to develop more effective body language.
“Alright,” said the husband, “when I want sex, I’ll rub your right breast. When I don’t want sex, I’ll rub your left breast.”
“Okay,” said the wife, “What should I do then?”
“Well, when you want to have sex,” he told her, “rub my penis once. When you don’t want any sex, rub it 200 times.”
Bar Bully
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear, very angry now, says,”If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.”
The bear says, “I’m not on drugs!?”
The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”
In the path of progress
An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day
he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that
they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his
teepee was located and he would have to move.
He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact
place for many generations.
He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the
route of the freeway.
He arrived in town but didn’t know where to go so he asked someone for
directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to
go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would
be on the right.
He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the
building on the left. It was a drugstore.
The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied.
“Bowels no move!”
“Oh,” said the druggist. That’s no problem. Take this twice a day for a
week.” he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.
The Indian left and one week later the he returned. “Hello,” said the
druggist. “Did that medicine work?”
“Bowels still no move!” said the Indian.
“Well, well,” said the druggist. “It appears that we will have to use
something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week.”
The Indian left and one week later he returned. “Hello again,” said the
druggist. “How are you doing?”
“Bowels still no move!” said the Indian.
“Oh my goodness!” said the druggist. “This really calls for something
drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight
times a day for a week.”
The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him
he asked, “bowels move?”
“Bowels have to move” said the Indian. “Teepee full of shit.”
A Cat And A Dog
Once there was a cat and a dog who were married. Then one day the dog said I want some kitty fritters. The cat said I want some bones. The dog said have you been reading how to eat like a dog? The cat said have you been reading skinny bones cause you love rubber!
And which parallel universe did
And which parallel universe did you crawl out of?
Professonal jokes
your mama is so ugly she walked into walmart and they said no pets allowed!
yo mama is so fat she got on the scale and it said to be continued!
yo mama is so fat she walked into kfc and asked her wat size bucket of chicken she wanted she said the one on the roof!
yo mamas teeth are so yellow she spits butter!
yo mama is so stupid she walked into burger king and said do yall sell food here!
He’ll never go where He’s
He’ll never go where He’s told until he dies.
He who hesitates is probably
He who hesitates is probably right.
DOS
Defunct Operating System
The Fishing Groom
A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk
notices the “Just Married” sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the
luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.
He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and
goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens
to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions
his behavior.
“I know it’s none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren’t having
sex with your new wife.”
“Oh, I couldn’t do that; she has gonorrhea.”
“Well, what about anal sex?”
“Couldn’t do that; she has diarrhea.”
“There is always oral sex.”
“Nope, she has pyorrhea.”
“Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you
marry her?”
“That’s easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!”