A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for
many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They
rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could
only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each
would get one wish. The redhead went first. ”I hate it here. It
is too hot and boring. I want to go home!” ”Okay,” replied
the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ”I miss my
family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!” And
off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ”I wish my
friends were back here!”
Author: admin
Little Catherine had justed turned five, so…
Little Catherine had justed turned five, so her mother decided to
learn her about the facts of life. So one day Catherine asked how
babies were made. Her mother then said that to make babies Catherine’s
father must first place his penis in Catherine’s mother’s vagina.
“Oh,” said Catherine, “last night as I went to the bathroom you
had daddy’s penis in your mouth. Did you make any babies that
way?”
“No,” answered her mother, “that’s how mommy gets her jewelry…..”
Fire drill
Everyone knocks our (local) school system as having major flaws in the way they teach, but what can you say about a school where the fire drill is a written test?
Bumber Sticker
I see this on a jeep every morning when I walk to school, and I
just wanted to share it:
I’d hit you, but shit splatters.
How to Be Popular
question: How can u be popular?
answer: Dont be a looser
Our Stupid Apartment
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.”Help, help!” yells one of the blondes.”Help us, help us!” yells the other.”Maybe it would help if we yelled together,” said the first blonde.”Good idea,” said the other.”Together, together!”
Un hombre est� volando en
Un hombre est� volando en un globo aerost�tico y se da cuenta de que se encuentra perdido. Mientras hace algunas maniobras ve a un tipo caminando por el campo. El hombre hace descender el globo algunos metros y grita:
“Perdone, �me puede decir d�nde estoy?”
A lo que el hombre que est� abajo responde: “Usted est� en un globo aerost�tico, suspendido a unos 10 metros del suelo.”
“Usted es inform�tico �verdad?”, dice el del globo.
“As� es”, dice el de abajo. “�C�mo se ha dado cuenta?”
“Bueno”, dice el del globo. “Todo lo que usted me ha dicho es t�cnicamente correcto, pero no resulta de utilidad para nadie.”
Y el de abajo responde: “Y usted debe de ser un usuario de computadora.”
“Exacto”, responde el del globo. “�C�mo lo ha sabido?”
“Sencillo. Usted no sabe d�nde se encuentra, ni hacia d�nde va, pero espera que yo le pueda ayudar. Usted est� en la misma situaci�n que antes de que nos encontr�semos, pero ahora cree que la culpa la tengo yo.”
Difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
He couldn’t give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
Un d�a, se encuentran Manolo
Un d�a, se encuentran Manolo y Venancio en un parque:
“Hola, Manolo”.
“Hola, Venancio”.
“�Qu� te pasa, hombre, que est�s as�?”
“Oh, qu� no sabes lo que me ha pasado: mi mujer se ha enfermado de apendicitis y hay que operarla; mi hija se ha roto una pierna al caerse de un �rbol, y he visitado al m�dico y me ha dicho que tengo muy mal los ri�ones”.
“�Hombre, Manolo, que est�s mal!”
“�Jolines, y lo peor del caso es que me he quedado sin un c�ntimo!”
“�C�mo va a ser, Manolo, un hombre que ahorra tanto como t�?”
“S�, pero has de saber que esos dos millones ahorrados son para una emergencia, �hombre!”
Parot on honeymoon
When Casey stated he was getting married, his pet parrot was very upset & insisted on going on the honeymoon with the couple. “Okay, okay”, his owner agreed to the bird, “You can come along, but I don’t want you looking. You gotta promise that you’ll look the other way when we’re making love…and if you break your promise, you’ll get nothing to eat!”Not wanting to be left at home, the parrot readily agreed.Before leaving on their honeymoon, Casey & his new bride were packing their suitcases, the man, out of breath, says to his wife, “I can’t get it all in honey, you’ll have to sit on it.”She says, “No, that won’t work, I’ll get on top and press down.””No that’s not gonna work, why don’t we both get on top?”It’s then that the parrot thinks to himself, “Food or no food…this I GOTTA see!”
Intersection
country boy went to new york to visit his uncle he decided to go for a walk one day on his own in the process he became lost and confused he went to the telephone booth on the street corner called his uncle told him that he was lost his uncle replied look out the telephone booth and give me the name of the intersection that you are calling from and i will come right down and pick you up the country boy go to the intersection and look and his response to his uncle was i am at the corner of walk and dont walk.
The moral of the story is…
There was this fish, and this fish was watching a fly, the fish wanted the fly to drop six inches so he could jump and eat it.
There was a bear on the shore, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump and the bear could swipe the fish for lunch.
There was a hunter in the woods, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would swipe and the fish and come out into plain view.
There was a mouse eyeing the hunters sandwhich, he wanted the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear then the hunter would go get the bear and the mouse could get the sandwhich.
There was a cat waiting for the fly to drop six inches so the fish would jump, the bear would move into plain view, the hunter would shoot the bear and for the mouse to go for the sandwhich.
So the fly drops six inches, the fish jumps in the air, the bear catches the fish, the hunter shoots the bear and the mouse swipes the sandwhich. The blast from the hunters gun startled the cat, which jumped into the river.
The moral of the story is…When the fly drops six inches the pussy gets wet.