Yo momma is so stupid it took her an hour to make minute rice. Yo momma is so fat when she jumped off the high dive she showed up on radar. Yo momma is so stupid she got locked in furniture world and sleeped on the floor. Yo momma is so old, when i smacked her back her boobs fell off. Yo momma is so old her farts come out dust. Yo momma is like a shot gun… three cocks and she blows. Yo momma is like lettuc, $1 a head Yo momma is so hairy when she spreads out her legs first thing that comes to my mind is that “we are going to the bush gardens” Yo momma is so fat i smacked her butt and rode the waves. Yo momma is so fat when i hugged her i got lost in the rolls. Yo momma i so stupid she thought TacoBell was a mexican phone company. Yo momma is so stupid she stool free bread. Yo momma is so stupid she got stabbed in a shootout. Yo momma is so stupid tripped over a cordless phone. Yo momma is so stupid she ran into a parked car. Yo momma is so stupid she ran into an automatic sliding door. Yo momma is so stupid she saw a “WET FLOOR” sign,So she did. Yo momma is like a vaccum cleaner she has a good suck.
Author: admin
British attorney
A young British attorney came to his office all in bruises and scratches.
“What happened to you?’ a colleague asked.
“Oh, it’s some bloody story. Yester eve, I came home from the club, and what I
see in my dining room! There was that frog. Just a small female frog. I took a
seat at the table, when she said in perfect English, ‘If you’re a gentleman,
shouldn’t you offer me a seat at your table?’ Surprised as I was, being a
gentleman, I did as she asked. I took a swig of brandy, and she said, ‘No brandy
for me?’ Well, as a gentleman, I poured brandy for her, and the bloody frog
drank it in one gulp. Then I had a slice of a pudding, and she said, ‘What about
me?’ What would you do? Of course, as a gentleman, I shared the pudding with
her. Then I undressed and went to bed. The bloody frog said, ‘What about me?’
So, I took her into the bed. As soon as she was in the bed, she at once
transformed into a young lady, and completely naked to that! At that time my
wife unexpectedly walked in. I told her the entire story, but she wouldn’t
believe me!”
Beautiful
A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.
His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, “You’re beautiful.”
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.
Later, her husband woke up and said, “You’re cute.”
Startled, she asked him, “What happened to ‘beautiful?'”
“The drugs are wearing off,” he replied.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman
Stoned monkey
Their was this monkey in a tree smoking pot this lizard came by and said monkey what are you doing the monkey replied hey man im smoking a doobie so the lizard ask for a hit and he did after he was really thirsty so he went to the river to get a drink and fell head first in the river a crocadile saw him and swam over to the lizard the lizard told him about the monkey in the tree so the croc goes over to the monkey and says hey monkey what are you doing up their and the monkey replies DAMN how much water did you drink?
Eran un argentino, un peruano
Eran un argentino, un peruano y un chileno que discut�an sobre quien ten�a la mejor f�brica.
El argentino dijo: “Yo tengo una fabrica de hacer servilletas.”
Y el peruano le respondi�: “Eso me lo meto por el poto.”
Luego el peruano dijo: “Yo tengo una f�brica de confort”, y el argentino dijo “eso yo tambi�n me lo meto por el poto”.
Despu�s el chileno dijo: “Yo tengo una f�brica de hacer alambre de p�a, a ver si se lo meten por el poto.”
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two…
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He
calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two ladies a
drink.”
The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn’t matter, I want to
buy those women a drink.”
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge
the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man
approaches the women and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.”
The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”
The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any
good?”
The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.”
The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?”
The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussys.”
The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”
Iran In Danger Of Losing “Most Evil Nation” Status
The U.S. warned Iran today that it is in danger of being dropped from the three-nation “Axis of Evil” after a lackluster 2002 in which the purportedly evil country was largely missing in action.
“When it comes to remaining in the A.O.E., Iran is just hanging by a thread,” one State Department source said today.
While North Korea and Iraq were both front and center in 2002 with their headline-grabbing evildoing, Iran for the most part stayed on the sidelines, jeopardizing its evil status, the source said.
Remaining in the Axis of Evil is a high priority for Iran, since membership in the A.O.E. results in billions of dollars of free publicity and news coverage every year.
Partly for this reason, the head of Iran�s Ministry of Evil in Tehran today disputed the State Department�s assessment of its less-than-evil performance, arguing that his nation had done many evil things in 2002.
Evil Minister Farid Mesghali said that Iran�s links to terrorist groups, as well as its firing up of its nuclear facility in southern Bushehr, had gone largely unnoticed and were overshadowed by such stories as the Trent Lott controversy and the Winona Ryder shoplifting trial.
“We were really, really evil last year,” Mr. Mesghali said. “We just need to do a better job of getting the word out.”
But time may be running out for Iran, who faces expulsion from the A.O.E. if they do not “strut their stuff, evil-wise, pretty darn soon,” the State Department source said.
“Without evil, Iran�s got no juice at all,” the source said. “They might as well be Belgium.”
Sherlock Holmes y el Dr.
Sherlock Holmes y el Dr. Watson se fueron en un viaje de camping. Luego de una buena comida y una botella de vino se acostaron y se fueron a dormir. Algunas horas m�s tarde, Holmes se despierta y codea a su fiel amigo: “Watson, mira el cielo y dime qu� ves.”
Watson contesta: “Veo millones y millones de estrellas…”
“�Y eso qu� te dice?”
Watson piensa por un minuto… “Astron�micamente, me dice que hay millones de galaxias y potencialmente billones de planetas. Astrol�gicamente, veo que Saturno esta en Leo… Horol�gicamente, deduzco que son aproximadamente las tres y diez… Teol�gicamente, puedo ver que Dios es todopodero, que somos pequenos e insignificantes… Meteorol�gicamente, sospecho que tendremos un hermoso d�a ma�ana… �Y a usted que le dice?”
Holmes calla por un minuto y luego dice, “�Watson, eres un huevon! �Alg�n conchasumadre nos rob� la carpa!”
Q: How many comp.sys.intel
Q: How many comp.sys.intel readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 0.999999875
The Top 15 Signs Your Dog Has a Problem With Alcohol
15. Wakes up looking for a little hair o’ the human who bit him.
14. Won’t go near that darn chuck wagon, but when the bar cart rolls through, he’s off like a shot.
13. Lately, you’ve noticed that he’ll even hump a really UGLY leg.
12. No matter what you throw for him to fetch, always returns with a bottle of Cuervo and a lime.
11. Chases pink elephants around the yard instead of squirrels.
10. The only game she’ll play with you is “Quarters.”
9. Spends more time hugging the toilet bowl than actually slurping from it.
8. Sells house, moves to Vegas, shacks up with beautiful hooker.
7. Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in “dog beers.”
6. When he hikes his leg at the fireplug he keeps falling over backwards.
5. Won’t drink out of the toilet unless there’s an olive in it.
4. Just signed to do a remake of “Old Yeller” with Kelsey Grammer and Robert Downey, Jr.
3. After a few too many at the office party, tries to pick up the boss’s bitch.
2. “Ri *ruv* you, man!!”
1. He used to bark — now he just belches the chorus to “Louie, Louie.”
Bird Brain
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was furious!
She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn’t do something about it. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn’t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, “Hey lady.” She paused and said, “Yes?” And the bird replied, “You know.”
GOD’S – Quality Management Questionnaire
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper __ Other Book
__ Television __ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Bible __ Other
__ Torah (specify): _____________
2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot __ Lottery
__ Horoscope __ Television
__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers
__ Self-help books __ Sex
__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs
__ Mantras __ Other: ______________________________________
__ Insurance policies __ None
3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don’t know
4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 – 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5
b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 5
5. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God’s services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary).