Question: Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Answer: Because he had his own drumsticks!
Author: admin
Perfect breakfast
You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties.
Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy.
And your wife is on the back of the milk carton.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Texan Heimlich Maneuver
Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast.
The first Texan said to the other, “Think we oughtta help?”
“Yep, reckon so”, says the second.
The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, “Can you breathe?”
She shakes her head, “no”.
“Can you speak?” he then asks.
She shakes her head, “no”, again.
With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt.
She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief.
The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, “Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!”
Your mammy
Your mammys so fat that she has to use the highway for her slip in slide
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo…
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on
a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before
they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and
check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts
examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another man in a white
coat. The second man comes over and does the same examinations.
When the third man starts examining her body so closely, she grows impatient
and says:
“All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to
start the operation?”
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re
just painting the corridor.”
The Injured Thumb
This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into the soup. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the food and this was too much for him. “Goddammit,” said the man, “get your damn thumb out of my food!'”Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm.” “Why don’t you just shove it up your ass?” the man said angrily.”That’s what I do when I’m in the kitchen.”
Twinkie Recipie (absolutely real, but really gross anyhow)
Title: Undescended Twinkies
Yield: 4 Servings
Ingredients
6 oz orange jell-o; (2 pkgs)
1 c ; boiling water
1/2 c pineapple juice
1 qt vanilla ice cream; softened
7 oz 7-up
8 twinkies
Instructions
Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water. Add pineapple juice, ice cream and
7-Up. Mix thoroughly (In a blender if necessary to dissolve ice
cream), and pour into a deep pan, approximately 9-inches square.
Chill until mixture begins to set. Lay Twinkies, flat side down, in
two rows of four across the top of the chilled gelatin. If the
gelatin is properly chilled, it will resist the Twinkies. You will
push them in and they will slowly rise. Remember you don’t want them
buried. Just semi-decended in the ooze. Chill until fully set and
serve.
Little by Little
A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, “Take it easy Dear, Can’t you see I’m trying to taper off?”
Women
Why do women have smaller feet than guys?
so they can stand closer to the stove!
No More Fishing For Baby Sis
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.
“I’ll never do that again!” he told his mother that evening. “I didn’t catch a thing!”
“Oh, next time I’m sure she’ll be quiet and not scare the fish away,” his mother said.
The boy said, “It wasn’t that. She ate all the bait!”
vampire
Q:WHAT DID ONE LESBIAN VAMPIRE SAY TO THE OTHERA:ILL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH 🙂
Viagra joke
Q: WHAT DOES DISNEYLAND AND VIAGRA HAVE IN COMMON? A: ONE HOUR WAIT FOR A FIVE MINUTE RIDE.