Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush. ”What the hell is this?” he asks the pastor. ”Why, it’s a toilet brush.” ”Ooh, I see,” says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working. ”Well, it’s okay, but I think I’ll go back to using paper.”
Author: admin
Why is it that in America…?
Why is it that in America:
1. Why is it that you can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance?
2. Why is it that there are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink?
3. Why is it that drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
4. Why is it that people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke?
5. Why is it that banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters?
6. Why is it that we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage?
7. Why is it that we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place?
8. Why is it that we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight?
9. Why is it that we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well? (After all, Poli’ in Latin means ‘many’ and ‘tics’ means ‘bloodsucking creatures’.)
10. Why is it that they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering?
Un hombre est� volando en
Un hombre est� volando en un globo aerost�tico y se da cuenta de que se encuentra perdido. Mientras hace algunas maniobras ve a un tipo caminando por el campo. El hombre hace descender el globo algunos metros y grita:
“Perdone, �me puede decir d�nde estoy?”
A lo que el hombre que est� abajo responde: “Usted est� en un globo aerost�tico, suspendido a unos 10 metros del suelo.”
“Usted es inform�tico �verdad?”, dice el del globo.
“As� es”, dice el de abajo. “�C�mo se ha dado cuenta?”
“Bueno”, dice el del globo. “Todo lo que usted me ha dicho es t�cnicamente correcto, pero no resulta de utilidad para nadie.”
Y el de abajo responde: “Y usted debe de ser un usuario de computadora.”
“Exacto”, responde el del globo. “�C�mo lo ha sabido?”
“Sencillo. Usted no sabe d�nde se encuentra, ni hacia d�nde va, pero espera que yo le pueda ayudar. Usted est� en la misma situaci�n que antes de que nos encontr�semos, pero ahora cree que la culpa la tengo yo.”
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL WHEN BILL CLINTON IS LYING:
1. He bites his lower lip.
2. He wags his finger.
3. He wags a nearby intern.
4. Be begins with ‘The American people want….’
5. He brags about great sex with Hillary last night.
6. Harry Thomason is holding cue cards in doorway.
7. He uses a line Al Gore tested last week.
8. He claims the ‘special sauce’ stains are from McDonalds.
9. Lawyers or Generals are standing behind him.
10. His lips are moving.
When A Blonde Is Having A Bad Day
How do you know if a blonde is having a bad day??
She’s looking for her pencil and has her tampon behind her ear.
Catholic Dog
Muldoon, the farmer, lived alone in the countryside with his pet dog of many
years. Eventually, his dog died of old age. Muldoon went to the parish priest.
“Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor
creature?”
Father Patrick replied, “Muldoon, I’m sorry to hear of your dog’s death, but
we can’t be holding services for an animal in the church. However, there’s a new
denomination down the road, and maybe they would do something for the animal.”
Muldoon said, “Thank you, Father. Do you think $500 is enough to donate for
the service?”
The Father quickly responded, “Son! Why didn’t you tell me the dog was
Catholic?!”
Q: How many `Real
Q: How many `Real Women’ does it take to change a light bulb?A: None: A `Real Woman’ would have plenty of real men around to do it, and one of them can change the bulb while he’s at it.
Blonde and Genie
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for
many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They
rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could
only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each
would get one wish. The redhead went first. ”I hate it here. It
is too hot and boring. I want to go home!” ”Okay,” replied
the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ”I miss my
family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!” And
off she went. The blonde started crying and said, ”I wish my
friends were back here!”
Our Stupid Apartment
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.”Help, help!” yells one of the blondes.”Help us, help us!” yells the other.”Maybe it would help if we yelled together,” said the first blonde.”Good idea,” said the other.”Together, together!”
Una pareja de ancianos se
Una pareja de ancianos se decide a hacer travesuritas. Cuando ambos se desnudan, �l exclama:
“�Ay, mi amor, como tienes de canas all� abajo!”
“No son canas, son telara�as, �viejo in�til!”
I’m having trouble listening !
Teacher: You aren’t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I’m having trouble listening !
Little Catherine had justed turned five, so…
Little Catherine had justed turned five, so her mother decided to
learn her about the facts of life. So one day Catherine asked how
babies were made. Her mother then said that to make babies Catherine’s
father must first place his penis in Catherine’s mother’s vagina.
“Oh,” said Catherine, “last night as I went to the bathroom you
had daddy’s penis in your mouth. Did you make any babies that
way?”
“No,” answered her mother, “that’s how mommy gets her jewelry…..”