How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
Author: admin
Japanese Standards
This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their standards:
They’re still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they stated that they will only accept three defective parts per 10,000.
When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter.
It said, “We Japanese had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.”
Crash
There once was a man in a crash. His balls were made out of brass. He
climbed up a ladder in really bad weather and lightning shot out of his
ass.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn’t like it because she couldn’t get channel 9.
Tech Support questions
These are actual calls to Tech support help desks
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
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Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?” Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
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Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.” Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.” Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
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Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?”
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:
Customer: “Hi. Is this the Internet?”
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Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to “The Internet.”
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Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Yeah.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.”
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Tech Support: “Ok Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
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Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. Now it doesn’t work.”
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”
Man from the East Co
A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first time, and is conversing with a California native. He says, “I’ll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week,” whereupon the Californian replies, “Oh, you mean, “La-*HOY*-a?””Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” Then he adds, “but right now I’m staying in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN),” and again the Californian corrects him, “You mean, El Ca *HONE*?””Oh. Yeah, right.”Then the Californian asks, “So when will you be returning home?”The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then answers, “Oh, I don’t know, I guess sometime in *HUNE* or *HULY*!”
Crash landing
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
Submitted by blueindiansquaw
Edited by Glaci
Hidden messages
Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.Reply from dad… Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Gift for Snow White
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She happily took pictures of the Dwarfs and their surroundings. When she finished her first batch she took the film to be developed. After a week or so she went to get the finished photos. The clerk said the photos were not back from the processor. Needless to say, she was disappointed and started to cry. The clerk, trying to console her, said, “Don’t worry. Someday your prints will come”.
What do you call two
What do you call two Vietnamese in a Dodge Charger?
“The Gooks of Hazzard”.
Photo from Automated Speed Trap
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture…of handcuffs. The
motorist promptly sent the money for the fine.
The cricket match
The cricket match is really boring – no runs, hardly any wickets. The
spectators are getting really fed up. They’re yawning and getting restless.
After a while some of them notice that the sky is getting cloudier and cloudier,
and darker and darker. And then, all of a sudden, all the lights cut out.
“That’s the first time bad play stopped light,” shouted somebody high up in
the stand.