yo mamas so ugly-they had to put a steak around its neck just to get the dog to play with her.
yo mamas so ugly- she made freddy crouger have nightmares.
Author: admin
Makin’ Babies
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”
The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”
One Handed Driver
John and his girlfriend, Carol, were driving along one day. He noticed that she kept looking at him and smiling. Then Carol leaned over and whispered in John’s ear, “Can you drive using only one hand?””I sure can” John grinned, thinking his luck was in.”Good!” Carol said, “Then wipe your nose; it’s running!”
� Antes sufr�a de amnesia,
� Antes sufr�a de amnesia, ahora no me acuerdo.
� Al seis lo inventaron en un dos por tres.
� El negocio m�s expuesto a la quiebra es el de la cristaler�a.
� Intent� suicidarme y casi me mato.
� Hay quienes estropean relojes para matar el tiempo.
� No quiero trabajar como conductor de autob�s porque no me gustan las cosas pasajeras.
� El mejor amigo del perro es otro perro.
� Ahorro deber�a escribirse sin h, para economizar una letra.
� Dicen que cuando Piscis y Acuario se casan, el matrimonio naufraga.
� Algunos matrimonios acaban bien, otros duran toda la vida.
� El matrimonio es como las libretas de ahorro: de tanto meter y sacar, se pierde el inter�s.
� El fabricante de ventiladores vive del aire.
� El diab�tico no puede ir de luna de miel.
The Pessimist!
1. Q. Why do golfers carry two pairs of trousers with them?
A. Just in case they get a hole in one.
2. Golfer: “Well, I have never played this badly before!”
Caddy: “I didn’t realize you had played before, sir!”
3. Golfer: “My wife says if I don’t stop playing golf she’s going to leave me!”
Caddy: “I’m sure you will miss her terribly, sir!”
4. Golfer: “Well caddy, do you like my game?”
Caddy: “Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf.”
Blues vs an arsonist
What is the difference between the Blues and an arsonist?
An arsonist wouldn’t waste that many matches.
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps…
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
“What denomination?” asked the clerk.
“Oh, good heavens! Have we come to
this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Baptist ones.”
Buy your grade
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He
handed out all the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once
the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The
professor noticed one of his students had attached a $100 bill
to his test with a note saying, “A dollar per point.” The next
class the professor handed the tests back out. The student got
back his test and the $64 change.
Laws of Human Nature
“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.
“The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist.
“The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
“The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
“Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look.
“Law of Impossibility” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.
“Law of Probable Dispersal” Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
“Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense.
“Iron Law of Distribution” Them that has, gets.
“Law of Cybernetic Entomology” There is always one more bug.
“Law of Drunkenness” You can’t fall off the floor, but you can hold on to the grass and try not to fall of the edge of the world.
If this company ran Christmas…
If Apple ran Christmas…It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlier, and with a smaller mouse (not stirring of course).
hanging from plane
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.
They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, “I’ll get off.”
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.
Not interested!
Q: what do you call a person who keeps talking when noone is listening?
A: a teacher!