Great reason to drink beer!

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Dirty Tattoo…

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, and asks for a turkey on her right inner thigh and a Christmas Tree on my left inner thigh. The tattoo guy looks at her and says, “If you don’t mind me asking, why do you want those tattoos in those spots?” The woman looks at him and replies, “My husband is always complaining he has nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

Ignore

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15
minutes passed one girl leaned over and whispered to her
friend, “What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is
masturbating.”
Her friend replied, “Don’t do anything. Just ignore it.”

The first girl said, “I can’t.”

Her friend, “Why can’t you ignore it?”

The first one says, “Because he’s using my hand”.

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument…

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.” So, Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.They moused.They did spreadsheets.They wrote reports.They sent faxes.They sent e-mail.They sent out e-mail with attachments.They downloaded.They did some genealogy reports.They made cards.They did every known job. But ten minutes before their time was up, lightening suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the under world. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!” Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irate.”Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?”God shrugged and said…….”JESUS SAVES”

An American In Jamaica…

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.

The American said to him “Oh is your girl named Wendy too?”

The Jamaican replied, “No, Mon that says, ‘Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'”.

Blonde quickies 4

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: What’s the mating call of the blonde?
A: “I’m *sooo* drunk!”

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) “I said: I’m drunk!”

Q: What’s the mating call of the brunette?
A: “All the blondes have gone home!”

Q: What’s a brunette’s mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?

Q: What’s the mating call of the redhead?
A: “Next!”

Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST — Goods and Services Tax)
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: What is 74 to a blonde?
A: 69 plus G.S.T.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.