Sang to the tune of the alphabet
A b c d lsd, teddy bears are chasing me, green ones, red ones,
white ones too, the one behind me’s got my shoe. Shit this
stuff’s too strong for me, next time I’ll just stick with weed.
Author: admin
boy with kite
Li’ johnny trying to fly his kite but always falls back to the ground. His mother see’s whats happening so calls husband to go show him. Ten minutes later she looks out window and sees no success, so hollers out window to hubby! What you need on that is a piece of tail, he responds back, last time I asked for piece of tail you told me to go fly a kite.
Road Marking Painter
Lempi took a job with Odovero Construction to paint lines on M28. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed.
The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet.
The boss sat him down and said,” Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?”.
Lempi replied, “Well boss, each day I get farther and farther away from the paint can”.
Blonde at the Supermarket
Linda Burnett, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
Plane Crash
David beckham, the pope, a school girl and a pilot on a plane. the plane is about to crash and there is only three parachutes the pilot takes one and jumps off the plane. david beckham takes one and jumps off. the pope says to the little girl “i have lived a full life so you should take the last parachute” then the little girl replied “david beckham is so stupid he didnt take a parachute he took my schoolbag” and they both jumped off the plane
You’re a redneck … you wrote in Richard
You’re a redneck if …. You wrote in Richard Petty’s name on a presidential
ballot.
Circumcisional Evidence
How do you circumcisce a whale?
With four skin-divers…
Knock KnockWho’s there?Harmon!Harmon who?Harmon on
Knock KnockWho’s there?Harmon!Harmon who?Harmon on your side!
Al llegar al cine con
Al llegar al cine con la novia, le dan a cada uno un ladrillo y un palo; el ladrillo para sentarse y el palo para espantar a las cucarachas.
Ya en el cine, la novia se descuida y se le entra una cucaracha en su vagina. El novio la lleva lo mas r�pido posible al ginec�logo. Al llegar le dicen lo que pas� y el doctor contesta dieciendole al novio que vaya a dar una vuelta y regrese.
Al regresar el novio observa que el doctor est� encima de la novia y se enfurece, luego le pregunta si ya le sac� la cucaracha y el le responde:
“Todav�a no, pero la aplasto, porque la aplasto.”
New Dance
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the
Politician. “All you have to do” she told her class “is take three steps
forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around.”
Blind Man
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the
last instruction of Mother Superior is that they must not get
even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about
this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the
room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the
middle of the project comes a knock at the door. “Who is it?”,
calls one of the nuns. “Blind man”, replies a voice from the
other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and
shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind
man into the room, they open the door. “Nice tits,” says the
man, “Where do you want these blinds?”
Smarts?
What do you call a blonde that dies her hair Brown? Artificial
intelligence!