If I want your opinion, I’ll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Author: admin
In Court
Q: Was it you or your brother that died in the war?
Q: Was it only you or were you alone?
Q: I’m showing you evidence number three, and I’m asking if you
recognize this picture?
A: Yes, that’s me.
Q: And were you present when it was taken?
Q: So you were gone until you come back?
Q: How did your first marriage end?
A: By death.
Q: And whose death was that?
Q: Can you describe the person?
A: He was tall and had a beard.
Q: Was it a man or a woman?
Q: Doctor, before the autopsy, did you check for the pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check the blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check if the patient was breathing?
A: No.
Q: So you mean that the patient could still have been alive when
you started the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure?
A: Because his brain was in a glass jar at my desk.
Q: But could the patient still be alive?
A: It is possible that he could be alive and working as a lawyer
somewhere, yes.
Pasteurised?
A milkman was making his deliveries and found a note attached to a customers door saying “I need 45 gallons of milk.” He knocked on the door and a beautiful blond answered it.”Is this a mistake?” the milkman asked.”No,” she said, “I was watching a talk show and it said that bathing in milk is good for your skin.” “Really?” replied the milkman.”Do you want it pasteurised?” “No, up to my tits would be fine,” she said
How can you tell tha
How can you tell that a blonde sent you a fax? It has a stamp on it.
Chickens And Books
A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, “Buk Buk BUK.” The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, “Buk Buk BuKKOOK!” The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, “Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!” The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, “Rrredit Rrredit Rrredit…”
Small pants
Q: Why are Michael Jackson’s pants so small?
A: Because they aren’t his!
A Rottweiler in a playground.
Q: What has got four legs and an arm?
A: A Rottweiler in a playground.
Bill Clinton MS Word Easter Egg
Is this what programmers call an ‘Easter Egg’ or are there forces in the universe even stranger than this weeks X-Files episode? 1. Open Microsoft Word 2. Type in: I’d like Bill Clinton to resign 3. Highlight entire phrase 4. Click TOOLS / LANGUAGE / THESARUS or [SHIFT-F7]You should see: “I’ll drink to that”If you don’t believe me check it out for yourself!
Life bad?
So you think your life is bad?
Just think how the life of an egg is.
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard and 2 minutes to get soft.
You have to share a box with 11 other guys.
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was…your mother!!
The Scottsman!
What is the difference between a Scottish man and a member of the Rolling Stones?
A member of the Rolling Stones says, “Hey you! Get off my cloud!”
The Scot says, “Hey McCloud, get off my ewe!”
I�m dead
Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded
him, “Count to ten, and then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the
second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick
you up.”
The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to ten and pulled
the first cord. Nothing happened.
He pulled the second cord. Again, nothing happened.
As he plummeted to the ground, he said to himself, “I’ll bet that truck won’t
be there either!”
Father
Late one night a car was swerving all over the road. A police officer pulled them over and went up to the vehicle. He then noticed it was the local preacher, Father McBrian. The officer then asked him why he was swerving all over the road. He said he wasn’t.
The officer immediately asked him, “Father, have you been drinking?”
“No…” replied Father.
“Is that liquor in your bottle there Father?” suggested the officer.
“No it’s just my water” answered Father.
The officer took it and smelled it. He then said “Father this is wine.”
Father then burst “Praise the Lord, He’s Done It Again!”