Author: admin

This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of
the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board.
Dear Sir;
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block
#3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my
accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following
details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on
the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel
by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth
floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will
note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs. Due to my
surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind
and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In
the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding
downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull,
minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident
reporting form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I
mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had
regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite
of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground
and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks,
the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts
for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and
lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to
slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,
unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost
my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever,” he said.

“Seventeen people? That’s wonderful. What did you tell them?” the judge asked.

“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: — O o — and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs.”

“That’s admirable,” said the judge.

“And you, how did you do?” he asked the second guy.

“Well, your honor, I persuaded one hundred fifty six people to give up drugs forever,” he said.

“That many people! How amazing! How did you manage to do that!” the judge asked.

“Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, ‘this is your anus before prison,'” he said.

A Jewish guy called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone
bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to
ask God for help. He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray

“God, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m
going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”.

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.

Jacob goes back to the synagogue.

“God, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m
going to lose my car as well”.

Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck!!

Back to the synagogue.

“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car
and my wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this
one time so I can get my life back in order???”.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is
confronted by the voice of GOD himself:
“JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE, BUY A DAMN TICKET”

Una se�ora divorciada enviaba todos los meses a su hijo a que le pidiera la mensualidad a su ex-marido. El se�or cae en la cuenta de que el muchacho ya hab�a cumplido 18 a�os, y decide que ya no le dar�a nada. El joven lleg�, como de costumbre, y el tipo le suelta:

“Dile a tu madre que ya cumpliste 18 a�os, y que ya no tengo ninguna obligaci�n de mantenerte. Y que c�mo la ve desde ah�”.

El mozuelo va con su madre y le cuenta lo que dijo el hombre, finalizando la informaci�n as�:

“… y por �ltimo me dijo: Y que c�mo la ve desde ah�”.

Regresa y dile a ese viejo que gracias por los 18 a�os que te mantuvo, y que �l no es tu padre y que c�mo la ve desde ah�.