Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Author: admin
Scary organization
The most dangerous organization in America today is:
a) The KKK.
b) The American Nazi Party.
c) The Delta Frequent Flyer Club.
Flying Boy!
A young couple with a young boy were in an aeroplane that was
going down, fast. There were three parachutes, the pilot had
already taken off with one.
The couple had a dilema, wone they got their parachutes on, they
couldn’t hold on to the child. After a few seconds thought, they
decide to save thir own skins.
The couple parachute out, then, after they land, start walking
home. And to their great surprise, their child was sitting in
the living room watching the television.The couple stuttered for
a while, then asked him, how did you get here.
The boy turned from the television, then with a huge grin on his
face, replied.
“Me no silly, me no dumb, me hold on to Daddys bum, daddy
farted, I went zoom, that’s how I got home so soon!”
The Chicken Ranch – Pun
My uncle was in the fertilized egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilize the eggs. My uncle kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn’t perform well went into the pot and was replaced.
Now this took an awful lot of time. So when my uncle saw a set of eight tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought them. He glued a piece of foam rubber to each clapper shaft so the bell wouldn’t ring except when violently shaken. He hung a bell on each rooster’s neck and went and mixed a Mint Julep.
Now he could sit on the porch and sip while filling out an efficiency report on the roosters by listening to the different tones of the bells and marking down each encounter. My uncle’s favorite rooster was old Brewster. Brewster was a fine specimen, but his bell didn’t ring all morning. Uncle went to investigate. Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a-ringing. Brewster had his bell in his beak so it couldn’t ring.
He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. Chagrined at first, Uncle was soon so proud of Brewster he entered him in the county fair. Brewster was an overnight sensation. They not only awarded him the No Bell prize but also the Pullet Surprise.
Blonde with a runny nose
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
FULL.
Cease fire
President Bush and Russian President Putin discussed a plan to create a permanent cease fire in the Middle East.
And if it works there they are going to try it on the Hollywood Freeway.
Any issue worth debating is
Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
Alligator in Bar
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator
up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, ‘I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open
this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the alligator will
close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I’ll remove my
genitals unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will
buy me a drink.’
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his
trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator�s open mouth. The alligator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer
bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The alligator
opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man
stood up again and made another offer.
‘I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.’
A hush fell over the crowd.
After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar and a woman timidly spoke
up.
‘I’ll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer
bottle.’
*~> MaKiNg SaNdWiChEs <~*
One night a guy and his girlfriend started getting horny at the
guys house. The guy had to share a room with his little 7 year
old brother and they shared a bunk. He got the top and his
little brother got the bottom. Well they started getting it on,
and one thing led to another and they started to do it. He told
his girlfriend to say lettuce if she wanted it harder, and
tomatoes if she wanted it slower. “Lettuce, tomatoes” she said
“Lettuce, lettuce, tomatoes, lettuce…” she screamed out. Then
his little brother shouted up sleepily, “Can you guys stop
making sandwiches? The mayonnaise is getting all over me!”
Yo mama so fat
your mammas so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip-flops.
Yo mamma so fat she fell in the ocean and…
Yo mamma so fat she fell in the ocean and the whales started singing
“WE ARE FAMILY EVEN THOUGH YOUR FATTER THAN ME”
Blondes Birthday
A waiter was working one night, when a beautiful Blonde was seated in his section. He went over to take her order, and saw that she was crying.
“What’s wrong, miss? Are you ok?” he asked.
Wiping tears from her eyes, she looked up at him and said, “My boyfriend just dumped me, and today is my birthday. Nice gift, isn’t it?”
The waiter talked with her a few moments, and was able to get her to stop crying. He kept a close eye on her, and when she had finished her meal, he went into the kitchen, cut a large slice from the best cake on the menu, and stuck a candle in it. He lit the candle, and brought it to her table. She looked very happy, and he was glad. He said, “Make a wish and blow!”
She closed her eyes, and made her wish. Then she came up to the waiter, got down on her knees, unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and started sucking on it. He had no idea why she was doing this, but she was really into it, sucking away, and playing with his balls. He knew that he should stop her-they didn’t even know each others names-but hey, when you’ve got a hot blonde sucking on your cock, like you’re really going to say, no don’t suck it.
He stood there, enjoying every moment, and when she made him cum, he exploded inside her mouth, and she swallowed every drop of his huge, hot load. She looked up at him with a smile, and said, “Did you like it?”
He said, “Yes, of course, you suck cock great…but I’m just wondering why you suddenly started sucking my cock??”
She looked confused. “Well, I was just doing what you told me to.”
Now he’s confused. “What I told you to?”
Smiling, she says, “Don’t tell me you forgot already…You said, ‘Make a wish and blow!'”