Author: admin

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, ”Up nuts!” And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, ”Down nuts!” And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, ”Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, ”Well…everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ”PEANUTS!”

On a plane going from Perth to Sydney all the passengers are on
board and the crew are checking that everone is wearing their
seatbelts. But the pilot and co-pilot are not on the plane yet
as everyone can see through the door into the cockpit. Finally
the pilot and co-pilot step on the plane. The pilot is holding
onto a leash that restrains a seeing-eye labrador and the
co-pilot is holding a white cane which he is tapping on the
ground. Both men are wearing thick black glasses. The passengers
laugh nervously, Surely this must be a joke they think as the
pilots walk into the cockpit. the plane begins to run down the
runway. At the end of the runway there is a large lake. The
plane is already half way down the runway and the plane still
hasn’t taken off. The passengers begin screaming loudly. Surely
the plane will fall right into the lake. Then the plane takes
off into the air. In the cockpit the co-pilot turns to the pilot
and says.

Co-pilot- Frank, one of these days the passengers are going to
scream too late and then we’ll all die.

Scott and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test.

Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question:

“Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant.”

“How did you answer that last one?” asked Scott. “I thought it was tough at first ….. then I thought of Superintendent.”

“I think I got it right too,” Pete said. “But I wrote down Horticulturist.”

Ahora Nueva York tiene tres superh�roes:

Superman: vuela por los aires.

Spiderman: trepa los edificios.

Musulman: atraviesa edificios.

one day in sunday school sally sat in fronte of jimmy and jimmy kept poking her with a pencil.when the teacher asked what do we say in church?jimmy poked sally and she blurted out HALLELUIAH.the teacher said correct.than the teacher asked what is jesuses real name jimmy poked sally in the back and she blurted out JESUS CRIST.the teacher replied yes than the teacher asked what did adam say to eve after thay had there 30th child jimmy poked sally and she yelled IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IM GOONA BREACK IT IN HALF the teacher says yes .and that was sally and jimmy in sunday school!.

Two weeks ago was my 44th birthday and I wasn’t feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say,
“Happy Birthday!”, and probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn’t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday.

I thought, well, that’s wives for you, the children will remember…The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, “Good morning, Boss, Happy Birthday”. And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.”

I said, “That’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day, let’s go!”

We went to lunch we didn’t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day, we don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom. “Sure!” I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake —– followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there…on the couch…naked.