Yours Fun Portal !
Solo una l�grima
derram� Ruperta
cuando la dejaron
detr�s de la puerta.
Solo una l�grima
derram� Ruperta
por aquella
inc�gnita incierta.
Solo una l�grima
derram� Ruperta
cuando era de noche
y estaba despierta.
Solo una l�grima
derram� Ruperta,
solo una l�grima
porque era tuerta…
There was a basketball player that played soccer but not basketball he hated basketball.So he told his coach that he was not going to play basketball anymore and that he is going to play soccer instead. So he asked the soccer coach if he could play soccer and he said yes so now he is playing basketball now.
PS: I didn’t mess up on this it is a joke your not supposed to get because I am the one that wrote it and I don’t even get myself.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. ‘Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.’
Watson replied, ‘I see millions and millions of stars.’
Holmes: ‘What does that tell you?’
Watson pondered for a minute. ‘Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?’
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. ‘Watson, you are positively stupid. Some bastard has stolen our tent.’
An Italian suppository.
Julia! Where on earth have you been. You haven’t come out to bowl on the team
in weeks, what’s happened?
Well Sally, I decided to give up bowling and spend all that time just having
sex.
Oh, for heaven’s sake what caused this?
Actually there were several reasons. The balls are lighter and you don’t have
to change shoes.
THE OFFICIAL BLONDES SEX QUIZ
TRUE or FALSE?
1. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit in the Outback.
2. “Spread Eagle” is an extinct bird.
3. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
4. The G-string is part of a violin.
5. Anus is the Latin word for yearly.
6. Testicles are found on an octopus.
7. Foetus is a character in “Gunsmoke”.
8. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
9. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
10. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
11. Sodomy is a special kind of fast growing grass.
12. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins.
13. Douche is the Italian word for twelve.
14. An enema is someone who is not your friend.
15. Scrotum is a small moon orbiting Uranus.
16. Climax is a weather balloon.
17. Condom is a small apartment complex.
18. Menopause is a button on the VHS remote control.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Welk!Welk who?Welk-ome home!
A man had just moved to the United States, and he was having
trouble with the English language. He was walking along the
street one day when he passed a liquor store. The man decided
that he could really use a drink, so he decided to go in.
“Excuse me,” he said to the clerk. “Where can I find a butt?” “A
butt?” asked the confused worker. “Oh oh, you must mean a BUD,”
and he sold the foreign man a six pack of Bud Light.
The man continued walking along, and soon he came upon a
hardware store. He thought of all the gardening that he had to
do at his new house, so he decided to go in. “Excuse me sir,” he
said to a man wearing an apron. “Can you show me where I can
find a fucket?” “A fucket? Oh oh, you must mean a BUCKET,” and
the clerk sold the foreigner a 10-gallon bucket.
The man kept walking until he came to a pet store. In the
window, he saw the most beautiful cockerspaniel. He simply had
to have the dog. “Excuse me,” he said to the woman behind the
counter. “I want to buy that cockandspankit.” “Cockandspankit?”
asked the confused woman. “Oh oh, you must be talking about that
COCKERSPANIEL,” and she sold the man the cockerspaniel.
The man was headed back home with his purchases, when all of a
sudden, the dog’s leash slips out of his hand. The man is
frantic, but he spots a police officer. “Officer!” exclaims the
foreigner. “Would you please hold my butt and fuckit, while I go
get my cockandspankit?”
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for English literature.”
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
“What else do you have?” asks the student.
“Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history,” replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for math?”
The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment,” goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.
“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, “Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow.”
Sing to the melody of Summer Lovin’ from Grease
(try for the same voice inflection as Travolta and Newton-John)
Bill: “Summer intern, had me a blast”
Monica: “White house intern, happened so fast”
Bill: “Met a girl, crazy for me”
Monica: “Met the prez, down on my knees”
Bill: “Summer days, sucking away, oh, i, but those White House nights”
Grand Jury: “Well, ah.. well, ah..well, ah. Uh! Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “Try to remember your best”
Grand Jury: “Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr: “Did he come on your dress?”
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh…Uh-huh….
Grand Jury: Uh-huh….Uh-huh….Uh-huh….
Bill: “Wanted to screw her but she had a cramp”
Monica: “The prez is sexy – he makes my panties damp”
Bill: “She gave me head, right in the White House”
Monica: “I said OK, just don’t come in my mouth”
Bill: “Summer days, gobbling away, oh, i, but those White House nights”
Grand Jury:”Well, ah.. well, ah..well, ah. Uh! Tell us more, tell us more”
Linda Tripp: “He sounds like a swell guy”
Grand Jury:”Tell us more, tell us more”
Kenneth Starr:”Did he tell you to lie?”
(Slower now)
Bill: “Press found out, it turned into a mess”
Monica: “He gave me fifty bucks to buy a new dress”
Bill: “She promised to lie, she made a vow”
Monica: “Wonder who is servicing him now”
Bill & Monica: “Sex filled dreams, ripped at the seams
But……oh those White House Nights”
First Cannibal: “I really don’t like my mother-in-law.”
Second Cannibal: “Then just eat the noodles�.
If a guy takes your wife, your revenge is letting him keep her