Author: admin

COLLEGE FOOTBALL

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The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you
tackle?” asked the coach.

“Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone
pole, shattering it to splinters.

“Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?”

“Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just
over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said, “If I can
swallow it, I can probably pass it.”

Choose the Right Club

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One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep
into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into
the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throught the thick
underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes
that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near
an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Thomas, come here, I got
big trouble down here.”

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the
matter Ben?”

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice, “Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can’t
get out of here with an 8-iron.”

The Blonde and the Electric Chair

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A blonde women, a brunette women, and a brown haired women are getting ready to be executed by the electric chair.

The brunette walks in the room and sits down on the electric chair.

Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.

The brunette says, I did not do anything wrong, I am innocent.

The man throws the switch and nothing happened. He throws the switch again and says, Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.

Next up is the brown haired women.

Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.

I am innocent. I swear I did not do anything wrong.

The man throws the switch again, and nothing happened. Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.

Last up is the blonde.

Again the man asks if she has any last words before he throws the switch.

The blonde thinks for a minute and says, Its not plugged in.

By: Allison, Laura, and Jessie

Como de costumbre, Pedro com�a

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Como de costumbre, Pedro com�a cacahuates mientras ve�a la tele. Y como todo el mundo, los lanzaba al aire y los atrapaba con la boca… Pero una noche fall� el tiro y un cacahuate termin� atrapado en su nariz… �Por m�s que lo intentaba, no lograba sacarlo!

En eso lleg� su hija adolescente acompa�ada de un amigo. La hija intenta sin �xito sacar el cacahuate y deja su lugar a su amigito. �ste logra con gran habilidad sacar al intruso de la nariz de Pedro.

Todo el mundo respira aliviado, y la hija presenta a su amigo al padre: “Pap�, este es Juan. �A que no adivinas qu� quiere ser cuando sea mayor!”

Y el padre le responde: “Por el olor de sus dedos, yo dir�a que mi yerno…”

A couple arrived at town hall seconds before…

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A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a
judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked
if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one.

They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license
from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out that they had
filled the names in backwards — his where hers belonged and vice versa.
They rushed back to the clerk’s office, caught him again, and got another
license.

This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the
wrong format. Again they catch the clerk … After five reissued licenses,
the judge is finally satisfied.

Judge: “I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are
irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal,
and any children you might have would be technical bastards.”

Groom: “That’s funny – that’s just what the clerk called you.”

Skiing

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Three guys were sleeping in one bed. When the guy on the end wakes up he say “i had a dream i was getting a hand job” then the other guy on the end wakes up and sya the same thing. the guy in the middle wakes up and says “i had a dream i was skiing!”

Do You Sell Dildoes

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A little old lady with blue hair entered the marital aids shop and asked in a quavering voice, “Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell d-dildoes h-here?”

The sa lesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop, answered, “Uh, yes, Ma’am. We do.”

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, “D-do y-you ha-aave an-ny ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?”

“Well, yes Ma’am, we do. We have several that size.” Forming a 5″ circle with her fingers, she then asked, “A-are an-nny of t-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?”

“Well… Yes ma’am a few of them are about that big.”

“D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a v-v-vibra-a-ator?”

“Yes, Ma’am, one of them does.”

“W-Wel-ll, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?”