Author: admin

Dont Eat Bananas

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There was these three guys, an asian, black and white guy.

They were driving on the highway when all of a sudden their car stopped. They spotted a house and a barn and decided to go and ask the owner if they could stay in the barn for the night.

The owner said “yeah but you can’t eat any of my bananas.”

So, they went to the barn and went to sleep. At about 2:00 AM they were so hungry they had to eat some bananas.

The owner found out they did, so he went out to the barn and said “ok, since you did this I want you to go out in the fruit patch and pick three of your favorite fruits and they have to be the same.”

So they did and the white guy got done first and he picked strawberries.

The owner said “Stick them up your butt.” So he did.

The asian guy got done next and he picked blueberries.

He came up to the owner and the owner said “Stick them up your butt.” so he did.

They both started laughing and the owner said “What are you laughing about?”

They both said “The black man’s picking watermelons!”

"The O.J. Murde

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I did not kill my lovely wife. I did not slash her with a knife. I did not bonk her on the head. I did not know that she was dead. I stayed at home that fateful night. I took a cab, then took a flight. The bag I had was just for me. My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be. When I came home I had a gash. My hand was cut from broken glass. I cut my hand on broken glass. A broken glass did cause that gash. I have nothing, nothing to hide. My friend, he took me for a ride. Did you take this person’s life? Did you do it with a knife? I did not do it with a knife. I did not, could not kill my wife. I did not do this awful crime. I could not, would not anytime. Did you hit her from above? Did you drop this bloody glove? I did not hit her from above. I cannot even wear that glove. I did not do it with a knife. I did not, could not kill my wife. I did not do this awful crime. I could not, would not, not anytime. And now I’m free, I can return To my house for which I yearn. And to my family whom I love. Hey now I’m free — Give back my glove!!

The Blonde Driver

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A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver.

“Ma’am, is there a reason that you’re weaving all over the road?”
The woman replied, “Oh officer, thank goodness you’re here!
I almost had an accident!
I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me.
I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me.
I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!”

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, –
“Ma’am… that’s your air freshener!”

She fakes it

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A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap and Santa asks,
‘What would you like me to bring you for Christmas?’

The little girl replies,
‘I want a Barbie and a G. I. Joe doll.’

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
‘I thought Barbie comes with Ken.’

‘No,’ the little girl replies, ‘She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.’

Blonde Flight School

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A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.” After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”

pulling out

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One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he
could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny’s father
said, “Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you
want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.” Christmas
came around, and Johnny asked again.The father said, “Well, the
mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again
some other time.” Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen
walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.
The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I
heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you
should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I’ll get
stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”